DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m seeking guidance on how to handle a challenging situation with a close friend.
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Lately, I’ve noticed that my friend has become consistently negative and draining to be around. It feels like every conversation turns into a litany of complaints or pessimistic outlooks on life.
I understand that right now the world is unforgiving and she is going through a lot. She lost her job seven months ago and still can’t seem to find another one, and her boyfriend recently broke up with her.
While I care deeply about my friend and want to be there for her during these tough times, I find myself feeling emotionally exhausted after spending time together. It’s starting to take a toll on my mental well-being, and I’m unsure of how to navigate this situation without damaging our friendship.
How can I support my friend without absorbing her negativity?
— Negative Friend
DEAR NEGATIVE FRIEND: As much as you love your friend, you must establish boundaries for your personal health. Tell her that.
Express your love and commitment to her as you also state clearly that you do not have the tools to take on her pain without boundaries. Set limits on how frequently and how long you will engage with her in person, on the phone, through text, etc. When that time is up, leave.
DEAR READERS: So many of you responded to the empty-nester having an identity crisis (“Next Chapter”) that I am adding a few more of your responses here.
DEAR NEXT CHAPTER: Consider volunteering. There are many organizations that are begging for volunteers. Check with churches, schools, libraries, nonprofit organizations, food banks, nursing homes — the list is endless. Volunteering benefits the volunteer as much as it helps those on the receiving end. What better way to fill your free time than by donating your talents to a worthy cause? You’ll make friends in the process and will be rewarded by seeing the difference you can make. — Personal Experience
DEAR NEXT CHAPTER: Wow, do I feel you. I ended up working full-time when I was an empty-nester. I lost my job when the school I worked for had layoffs during COVID. After a couple of weeks, I had done everything I couldn’t wait to do in my house, and there I was, standing in the middle of my kitchen, thinking, “What now?”
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I remembered when I loved writing articles for the Omaha newspaper years ago and decided to take creative writing classes. I am now on my 10th book, and I love it way more than I thought I would. There is something for you, Next Chapter. Don’t waste time. Get busy and fall in love with your purpose! — Finally, It’s My Turn!
TO ALL OF YOU WHO WROTE IN TO NEXT CHAPTER: Thank you for your loving support of all who are in transition in this way. The future can be daunting — especially as you enter into your older years. I do a lot of work with AARP, and they have some great suggestions. Wherever you are in your life, pause and look at the big picture. What do you envision for the next step? Dream it up, and go for it. For more ideas: aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2023/new-empty-nesters.html.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
