DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend gave me a gift that had obviously been recycled, possibly more than once. When I opened it, a card fell out — dated 1995.
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The item itself was in good shape, unused, but the box was showing a little wear. Internet research revealed that this item has not been manufactured in at least 10 years.
Naturally, I thanked my friend profusely for the gift. It was expensive, but not something I can use. I thought of donating it, but my friend sometimes shops at thrift stores and might see it on the shelf there (and she may have purchased it there to begin with).
I am thinking of giving it to another friend who can use it and who does not know the friend who gave it to me.
Should I mention the gift’s history as an amusing anecdote, or say that I had received a nice gift I can’t use? Or should I just not say anything about its provenance?
GENTLE READER: As she is always in favor of a good story, Miss Manners suggests including that when you regift the item. This, of course, has the added benefit of allowing you to include the card and the box, as well as minimizing the risk of getting caught, even if the card is passionately addressed to someone neither of you has ever met.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to play cards at a restaurant after finishing your meal?
My husband and I had lunch at a local establishment, and seated at the table next to us were four women playing cards and drinking iced tea refills. They were there when we arrived and still there when we left.
GENTLE READER: With some exceptions, commercial establishments generally discourage such behavior in the interest of staying in business. Are you thinking of starting a tournament or a restaurant?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in an informal environment (academia) where I receive a set salary.
It is the kind of job where the amount of work fluctuates and sometimes requires me to work more than eight hours in a day.
Because of the nature of my workplace, there is no set 9-5 rule; nevertheless, some colleagues appear to think it’s necessary to follow that schedule.
I have never understood this. If I have a meeting at 9 a.m., of course I will do my best to arrive at work before that. If I am running even five minutes late, I will notify the other meeting attendees and apologize.
For all other workdays, I feel I should be able to arrive later and leave earlier, as long as my work is not suffering. But I still feel guilty when I do so.
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For what it’s worth, my boss primarily judges employees based on performance and not the number of hours put in on any given day. Am I committing a workplace faux pas by straying from convention?
GENTLE READER: It is presumably the boss’s opinion that matters, not that of your co-workers or colleagues — or whatever new term the university may have invented to obscure that professional manners, not social ones, apply.
If you worry that there might be misunderstandings later, you could ask for a written attendance policy — and hope that this will not jar your boss into changing it now.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
