DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin “Sheila” agreed to split the rent with me when she moved into my apartment, with me covering the entire deposit.
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Our apartment has two rooms, one for my fiance and me, and the other for Sheila and her boyfriend.
I am a person with a physical disability and constant need of a wheelchair, so the limited space in the common area is already a challenge. Despite this, Sheila unexpectedly brought her mother, her mother’s child and her brother to stay in the apartment.
I explained that they could stay temporarily but would need to find alternative accommodation due to the cramped living conditions. However, Sheila has not made arrangements for them to leave and is now trying to guilt-trip me by stating that they are family.
Am I being unreasonable in this situation?
— Renter’s Struggle
DEAR RENTER’S STRUGGLE: Now is the time for you to put your foot down. The longer she stays, the harder it will be for you to get her out.
Talk to your super to see if they can put pressure on her, too. Perhaps there are codes about how many people can live in a space in your building.
Do not give in to her guilt trip. She has tried to change the rules after moving in, which is unfair.
Make Sheila’s time uncomfortable while she is in your space so that you can get her out as soon as possible. Get your super to help you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a mother of twin daughters who are about to go on separate journeys as they head off to different colleges.
They’ve always been incredibly close — practically inseparable since birth. While I’m thrilled for their new academic adventures, I can’t shake off this overwhelming concern about how they’ll cope with being apart.
My daughters have relied on each other for support through thick and thin, and the mere thought of them navigating this pivotal chapter of their lives without each other is hard for me to imagine.
I understand the importance of independence and forging one’s own path, but I worry about the emotional toll it might take on them to suddenly be apart after spending their whole lives together.
How can I help them prepare for this separation and ensure they maintain their bond despite the physical distance?
— Disconnected
DEAR DISCONNECTED: You didn’t say why your twins are going to different schools, but it sounds like you are the one who is distraught about this.
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Step back a moment and think about the beauty of what’s happening. Though they are incredibly close, they are individuals who need to learn how to fend for themselves. Being in separate schools where they have to forge new relationships and discover how to be OK on their own offers the perfect chance for them to flourish.
Yes, this is hard for you, but do your best not to transfer your worries onto them. Give them space to figure out how to live on their own, make mistakes, and learn and grow from them.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
