DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the fourth of five sisters, and with the weddings of the older three it became a silent tradition that the next in line served as the maid of honor.
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This year, it’s my turn to get married, and I should be asking my youngest sister.
I’m not super-close to her due to an eight-year age gap. (I’m 31, she’s 23.) I’m considering asking my best friend to be my maid of honor instead, because she has truly been my support system throughout the relationship, but I’m hesitant because I don’t want to regret breaking our family tradition.
What are your thoughts on this situation?
— Bridesmaid in Question
DEAR BRIDESMAID IN QUESTION: Weddings are among the most traditional experiences a family hosts. It could hurt your sister’s feelings deeply for you to break the tradition.
You can invite her to be your maid of honor and give her a few duties while you let your best friend know that you want her to support you and your sister. Rather than taking the role from either of them, ask them to work together to fulfill the various tasks that must be handled.
Make your best friend a bridesmaid and let her know how important she is to you as you start your new life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My siblings and I are facing a challenging and emotionally charged situation.
Our mother has Alzheimer’s disease, and since the recent passing of our father, who was her primary caregiver, we’re now left with the responsibility of determining her living arrangements.
We’re struggling with questions about whether she should remain in her own home with professional assistance, move in with one of us or transition to a specialized care facility.
Each of us has our own opinions and concerns about what’s best for our mother, and tensions are running high as we try to navigate this decision together. We want to make sure that she receives the highest quality of care and support, but we’re also aware of the logistical and financial challenges involved in providing for her needs.
How can my siblings and I approach this decision-making process with sensitivity, collaboration and compassion? How can we ensure that we’re making choices that prioritize our mother’s well-being and dignity while also considering the practical realities of her care?
— Mother Care
DEAR MOTHER CARE: Get expert advice from your mother’s doctor and from a financial adviser.
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Learn from the doctor what her needs are today and what is anticipated over the next year as well as the next few years. How independent does the doctor believe your mother can be today? Get a sense of a timeline as it relates to your mother’s care needs to help you map out what is possible based on your family’s capabilities.
The financial adviser can provide real numbers about what your mother can afford. Independent, assisted-living and memory-care facilities are expensive and can be very good depending on your mother’s situation. If she has a long-term care insurance plan, find out how and when she can use that to help offset costs. With all of this information, you can then make an informed decision.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
