DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, and there is nothing going on when it comes to our intimacy dynamics.
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His reluctance to engage in physical intimacy has left me feeling confused and concerned about the state of our connection. I constantly wonder if I am attractive enough for him.
In a moment of frustration and vulnerability, I mustered up the courage to ask him if he might be gay, hoping to understand the root cause of his distant behavior. Unfortunately, my inquiry sparked a negative reaction from him, resulting in anger and threats of breaking up.
Now I find myself questioning my approach and wondering if I overstepped a boundary by confronting him about his sexual orientation.
— Boyfriend’s Sexuality
DEAR BOYFRIEND’S SEXUALITY: While you did not choose the best question to ask your boyfriend about what’s going on in your relationship, you did start the conversation.
Follow up with him. Apologize for making an assumption as you also tell him you are baffled. You don’t understand why the two of you are no longer intimate. You have searched your brain trying to figure out what happened.
Ask him to talk to you about it. Be as direct as you can. Even though it may feel uncomfortable, ask him if he no longer finds you attractive. Ask him if there is somebody else or if he has a health condition you are unaware of. He needs to let you know what he’s thinking.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it OK not to invite my foster parents to my wedding because my biological parents think they’re racist?
My biological parents, who are Black, feel uncomfortable around my white foster parents due to some comments they made before that seemed racially insensitive. Now I’m stuck between keeping the peace and addressing these concerns.
I care about both sets of parents, but I don’t want any tension at my wedding.
Currently, I’m leaning more on favoring my bio-parents because they missed a lot in my life. They were a young couple who decided to place me in an orphanage because they couldn’t raise a kid at that time.
How can I handle this situation without hurting anyone’s feelings and making sure everyone feels respected and included on my big day?
— Wedding Dilemma
DEAR WEDDING DILEMMA: How important have your foster parents been in your life, especially when you were younger? Do you love them? Do they love you?
It’s understandable that your biological parents may have been offended by something that they said, but before you make a rash decision, think about your life with your foster parents. Did they take care of you? How do you feel about what they said?
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While it may have been the right decision years ago for your parents to give you up if they couldn’t care for you, it seems unfair of them to try to force you to deny the people who took care of you in their absence a chance to be at your wedding.
I recommend talking to both sets of parents and asking them to support you on your big day by being loving and civil — for your sake.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
