DEAR HARRIETTE: I just wanted to share a cautionary tale with you regarding sleepovers: The hosting parents need to be vetted very carefully.
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Like you, I always called the parents to be sure they would be on site and the girls would be supervised.
One time, my 9-year-old was invited to a birthday slumber party. I dutifully called the mother and was assured that she would be there through the entire celebration. Around 8:30 p.m., my Spidey sense kicked in; this was not a family I knew very well. My husband and I decided to do a drive-by.
It was chaos. Older boys were at the house, and there was no parent in sight.
As we left with our daughter, a neighbor suggested we look at the neighborhood tavern, which is where we found the parent, sloshed to the gills.
Four years later, I was talked into allowing our daughter to spend the night with twin sisters. Again, I called and spoke to the mom at length and was assured she wouldn’t allow a similar situation.
After that night, our daughter became intractable. It was as if someone had flipped a switch in her. She eventually attempted to take her own life.
She was placed in inpatient hospital counseling, which is where we found out that that night she was encouraged to drink, was drugged and was sexually assaulted by a 19-year-old neighbor. Her friends were in on it while the parents were out amusing themselves.
Kids can attend these functions, but only with close family friends whom you know very well. Better yet, instead of an overnight, allow a late night with pickup by 11.
— Spidey Sense
DEAR SPIDEY SENSE: I want to thank you and the others who wrote in about this sensitive topic. I’m so sorry about what happened to your daughter.
I realize that horrible things can happen to our children when we leave them in others’ care. The late-night pickup is a great solution that allows your children to spend time with friends and come home safely. Also, having the sleepover at your home where you can supervise is a viable solution.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a freelance graphic designer, and one of my clients is frustrating.
Despite multiple revisions and attempts to clarify their expectations, the client has continued to express dissatisfaction with my work.
One design element they specifically didn’t like was a logo concept I had created. The client requested a minimalist and modern design, which I meticulously crafted to align with their brand image. However, they found the color scheme too bold and the font choice not in line with their vision.
I asked for more specific feedback, and they did not provide me with anything concrete.
This left me feeling perplexed, as I had followed their instructions closely and incorporated their feedback at every stage of the design process.
How do you think I should proceed?
— Vague Client
DEAR VAGUE CLIENT: Many people are not visual and can find it difficult to express what they want for a design because they literally do not have the words to describe it. As a designer, that can be frustrating.
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Provide your clients with a variety of visual references to allow them to see examples of possibilities from which they can choose. This takes time, but it is a way to help guide them to come to a direction that satisfies their needs and helps them to imagine what they want.
Many designers agree to provide three options to clients, after which they charge more.
With a difficult client like this, you may need to change your rules regarding options in order to come to a solution that will satisfy their needs.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
