DEAR MISS MANNERS: My massage therapist called me on the phone to cancel my appointment because she was sick. I was in the bathroom at the time, so I didn’t get to talk to her, I just heard the message.
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I was disappointed, but I just proceeded with my plans for the day.
Two days later, I received an email from her canceling my next appointment and refunding the balance on my prepaid account.
I emailed her, asking what the deal was. She replied that since I had not called her back, and as she did not want to do business with “rude people,” she sent the refund and did not want to see me anymore.
I was flabbergasted. Since when am I required to make a phone call back when the one received was a clear message? Am I ignorant about new manners related to new technology?
I certainly did not mean to be rude, and I do not think I did anything wrong. If I am incorrect, please explain my error.
GENTLE READER: Either your massage therapist overreacted, or you underestimated the intensity of this relationship.
A confirmation call and sympathy for her illness would have been kind, but not obligatory — and certainly not worthy of a lifelong ban in their absence.
Miss Manners is afraid you will have to find yourself a masseuse who is less, well, touchy.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own several rental properties. Good tenants can be hard to find, but I have a fantastic younger couple renting one of my properties.
They keep the place spotless, are never late on rent, and are just the nicest and most respectful people.
The lady of the house called me to say she was expecting their first child and asked for permission to paint the bedroom that will be the nursery. Of course I congratulated her, and gave her permission to paint the room any cheerful color she likes!
I feel like I should also send a small shower gift because I appreciate how much they care for and respect my property. Nothing extravagant, just a nice card with a gift card enclosed, and perhaps a pack of diapers with a bow on it.
My husband seems to think this is unprofessional and may create awkwardness.
I receive gifts from business associates occasionally and feel it’s perfectly acceptable. I will let you make the judgment call.
GENTLE READER: Sending a small present for the baby seems perfectly suitable to Miss Manners. If the other tenants object, they can have their own children. Or be better tenants.
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Miss Manners: How was I supposed to know her bathroom was off-limits?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m going to a ’70s-themed work party of about 100 people. My fur jacket from 1975 is perfect for my outfit. Is it appropriate for me to wear it to the party?
GENTLE READER: As opposed to what? Your bomber from the ’80s?
The jacket you describe seems singularly perfect for the occasion. But if your real concern is about offending modern sensibilities with real fur, Miss Manners suggests you assure people that it is vintage. This buzzword — and the idea that you are reusing the garment, rather than cruelly discarding it — might cancel out any objections.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
