DEAR HARRIETTE: I need advice on a personal problem involving my sister, her husband and their religion.
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My parents died when I was 12, and I have been living with relatives since. My married sister offered to take me in, which I gladly accepted.
The first month I was with her family, I caught my sister crying over an argument with her husband. This wasn’t just a one-time occurrence; I often hear them shouting at each other. Apparently, my brother-in-law is insisting that I join his religion, but my sister doesn’t want me to feel pressured.
My sister married young, and her husband supported her education. Now he wants to do the same for me, but with the condition that I convert to his religion in exchange for financial support.
Personally, I am not religious, especially not in their faith. However, I don’t want to witness my sister’s ongoing conflicts.
— Faithless Wanderer
DEAR FAITHLESS WANDERER: You have not told me your age, so it’s hard to say if you are at the stage where you can be independent. What you need to do is evaluate your options.
If you stay with your sister, what kind of life can you have with her husband in the background making uncomfortable demands that impact both you and your sister?
Do you still have the option to go live with other family members, such as the ones who initially took you in when your parents died? Finally, can you apply to schools and look for financial aid or scholarship money to support you rather than rely your brother-in-law’s financial support?
Do your research so that you can find a way to live your life in peace and with the potential for an independent future.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started dating a nice man who is attentive when we are in each other’s company, but he is largely absent during the day.
He rarely calls or checks in as the day progresses and generally sends me a text message in the evening.
He used to work nights and I think he is still on an odd sleep schedule, but I don’t like it. Being in touch as the day goes on makes me happy.
I just got out of a relationship where my partner was more absent than present. I don’t want to bring baggage with me, but this is a bit of a red flag.
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How can I address this with him without seeming whiny?
— Be in Touch
DEAR BE IN TOUCH: Your man is not a mind reader. You have to tell him what you want and appreciate in order for him to know.
You don’t have to complain about what you didn’t have in the past. Instead, describe the type of interaction that makes you happy. If you want him to call or text you during the day, ask him to do it. Tell him that it makes you happy to be connected to him in that way.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
