DEAR HARRIETTE: During a family gathering, my mother-in-law made some hurtful comments about my daughter’s appearance, effectively body-shaming her.
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These comments were unkind and insensitive, and they hurt my daughter, causing her to cry.
As a parent, it was difficult to witness my child’s pain and to see her self-esteem take such a hit from someone who is supposed to be family.
My daughter is now more self-conscious and upset, and I’m worried about the long-term impact these comments might have on her self-image and confidence.
I’m struggling with how to address this issue with my mother-in-law. I want to protect my daughter and ensure she feels safe and loved, but I also don’t want to create unnecessary family conflict.
How can I find a way to communicate to my mother-in-law that her comments were hurtful and unacceptable without causing a major rift in the family?
— Crossing the Line
DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: Visit your mother-in-law privately, and tell her you need to talk.
Remind her of what she said to your daughter, and tell her unequivocally that she hurt your daughter’s feelings and you do not appreciate it.
Now is not the time to mince words. Describe to her the impact that her words had on your daughter’s self-esteem. Tell her that as her grandmother, you expect her to uplift your daughter, not to tear her down.
If your mother-in-law’s feelings are hurt, so be it. She needs to know that it is not OK to belittle your daughter.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved to Chicago this summer, and while I’m enjoying the new environment and opportunities, I’m facing a bit of a dilemma.
My birthday is coming up soon, and I’m starting to worry that I might have to spend the day alone.
I’ve managed to make some friends so far, but I haven’t formed any super-close connections yet. It’s been great getting to know new people, but these relationships are still in the early stages.
The combination of being new to the city and not having close friends yet is making me anxious about how to celebrate. I don’t want to feel lonely on my special day, but I’m unsure how to approach this situation.
Should I try to organize something with the acquaintances I’ve made, even though our relationships are still developing? Or would it be better to focus on treating myself to a solo celebration and make the best of it?
I’m also concerned about appearing too forward or desperate if I invite people I don’t know very well yet.
— Birthday Blues
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DEAR BIRTHDAY BLUES: Your new friends don’t have to be besties to celebrate with you.
Choose a bar or restaurant where folks can gather casually to ring in your new year with you. Invite the people you are getting to know, and tell them it’s your birthday and you’d like them to celebrate with you. They know you are new to town.
If they can’t make it, that’s when you go for the solo plan. You can treat yourself to a massage, a movie, an outdoor concert — something fun!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
