DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past year, I’ve developed a great friendship with my college dorm roommate, and we’ve shared a lot of good times together.
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However, there’s one significant issue that’s been weighing heavily on my mind: My roommate doesn’t know that I’m gay, and I suspect he might be homophobic.
Living together has been mentally exhausting because I feel like I have to hide a part of myself to avoid any potential judgment or conflict.
There have been instances where I’ve had to act more masculine than I naturally am, just to fit in and avoid any discomfort. One time, my roommate even brought two girls over for a blind date, which made me feel even more conflicted about my situation.
I genuinely like my roommate and value our friendship, but I’m seriously considering requesting a new room before the school year starts. Continuing to hide who I am feels like I’m betraying myself, and it is a chore.
Should I switch rooms?
— In the Closet
DEAR IN THE CLOSET: You do not need to be in the closet with your roommate, especially if you have the option of moving out if he reacts badly. You deserve to live an honest life.
Learning how to accept yourself for who you are and sharing that with others can be difficult, but you are at the stage in life of becoming an adult. You are responsible for yourself.
Tell your roommate who you are. Make sure he understands that you are not romantically interested in him and that you are happy to switch rooms if he can’t handle it. Talk it out and see where things land.
You may be pleasantly surprised by his acceptance. If not, it’s time to realize that he does not deserve your friendship and move out.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I just accepted a job that will allow me to move from the U.S. to France. I couldn’t pass it up, as it allows me to advance my career significantly.
My whole family of five now needs to move across the world to a country where only I speak the language. My spouse and children are excited but also anxious about the transition.
We are particularly concerned about the language barrier and cultural differences and how my children will adapt to a new educational system. They are 6, 8 and 10 years old and will need to learn French quickly to keep up in school, so we want to ensure they have the support they need.
Additionally, our extended family on my husband’s side is extremely upset at me for taking their grandchildren away from them for the unforeseeable future.
How can we prepare for this move to make the transition as smooth as possible for everyone, including our extended families?
— Making a Move
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DEAR MAKING A MOVE: While moving abroad is not easy, at least not at first, it can be a wonderful experience for everyone.
Your children are young, so chances are good that they will learn French pretty quickly. You can start them on lessons now to give them a head start. Get them a tutor if they need help in the transition when you first arrive. Trust that they will acclimate over time.
For your extended family, schedule weekly video calls so that you all stay in touch, especially the kids and their grandparents. If possible, plan a visit where they can come to see all of you and explore the country themselves. Also plan visits back home, at least once a year if possible. It can be during holiday season or off season to make it more affordable.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
