DEAR HARRIETTE: How should I handle a situation where my partner’s social media posts about our relationship make me uncomfortable?
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My fiance is a content creator and frequently posts about our relationship on social media, sharing personal moments and details that I’m not entirely comfortable with. He often posts intimate photos of us together, snippets of our personal conversations and even detailed accounts of our private arguments.
Recently, he shared a post celebrating our anniversary with a long, emotional message that included private details about our relationship struggles and how we overcame them.
While my fiance is enthusiastic about showcasing our relationship, this level of exposure feels too private and exaggerated, and it’s starting to make me uneasy.
I value our relationship and don’t want to come across as controlling, but I also need to address my discomfort and establish some boundaries. How can I discuss this with my partner in a way that respects both his desire to share and my need for privacy?
— Social Media Sharing
DEAR SOCIAL MEDIA SHARING: You have every right to place boundaries around what can be shared about you in the public, especially through social media.
That you have allowed it thus far may make it seem odd to your fiance that you have had a change of heart. Be prepared to explain how you feel today and how your discomfort has grown over time.
Talk to your fiance about privacy and where you want to draw the line. Explain that you believe many things about you and your life together are not for public consumption.
Ask him to allow you to vet posts before pushing send, to show you photos for approval and to stop sharing details about intimacies in your relationship.
If he refuses to curb his sharing, you will need to think long and hard about whether this is how you want to live. If you don’t want your marriage to be an open book, shut that down or step away.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend recently joined a new social circle and has been planning trips and activities with this group, often leaving me out of the plans.
While I understand that people grow and expand their social circles, I’m feeling hurt and excluded, especially since we used to do everything together.
I’ve tried to express my feelings without seeming jealous or possessive, but the situation hasn’t improved.
I want to maintain our friendship and be supportive of her new relationships with her colleagues, but I also feel the need to address how this exclusion is affecting me.
Is a friend entitled to demand to be included?
— Friendship Exclusion
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Harriette Cole: What if I asked my wealthy sister to pay for the reunion house?
DEAR FRIENDSHIP EXCLUSION: It seems that the dynamics with your best friend are changing. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you are losing your friend, but you cannot force your friend to invite you into this new friend group.
While you are feeling jealous, do your best to stay calm. Enjoy the time you do spend together, and begin to expand your horizons as well.
What do you like to do on your own? What are your interests? Look for other outlets to fulfill your social needs so that you aren’t just sitting around moping when your best friend is out exploring with new acquaintances.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
