DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who frequently brings her pet to our social gatherings, whether it’s a dinner party, a movie night or a casual get-together.
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While I understand that her pet is important to her, the constant presence of the animal is starting to make some of our gatherings uncomfortable for the rest of us, particularly those who are allergic or have phobias.
I’ve tried to address this delicately by suggesting pet-free events or offering alternative solutions, but my friend seems to be resistant to the idea and insists that her pet should be included in all activities.
Is there any other approach I should try before officially cutting her from the invite list?
— Pet-Permeated Parties
DEAR PET-PERMEATED PARTIES: Unless it’s a service animal that has been prescribed to help your friend cope with life, you have the right to decide whether the pet is invited.
You need to be direct, because clearly she is not getting the message.
Sit her down and tell her that some of your friends are sensitive about it — due to allergy or fear or whatever else the reason may be. Add that your friend group does not feel comfortable having an animal around all the time, so you are kindly requesting that she leave her pet home sometimes.
If she balks, tell her that she may be excluded from certain activities if the group wants it to be a pet-free zone.
DEAR HARRIETTE: To the letter-writer “New Teacher,” regarding helping a bullied student:
As a teacher, I always knew the reliable, responsible students in my classes. Some of those were definitely not the best students academically, but they were high on the social ladder and well-respected by their peers.
I would speak to those students, confidentially, and point out how it felt to be belittled. All children know that feeling. I told those students that I didn’t expect them to fight the bullied child’s battles, but that it would be helpful to show their disapproval to the bullying by saying, “Hey, leave her/him alone!”
Sometimes just walking to the next class together provided relief. Additionally, I found that helping the bullied child helped the helper as well.
— 37 Years in Public Schools
DEAR 37 YEARS IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS: What a great tip. Engage other students to support the outlier! Here’s another response to “New Teacher”:
DEAR HARRIETTE: In my state, all teachers are mandated reporters. If there is any suspicion that a child is being mistreated, the teacher is required to file a report, after which an investigation is performed.
Training in when and how to report is required before a prospective teacher is allowed to become an instructor in the classroom.
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This teacher should report the suspicion to the appropriate people. If they are not sure where to report, the school’s principal is the place to begin the process. The reporting should not be delayed.
— Report It
DEAR REPORT IT: This is important advice. Filing a report can help to launch an investigation.
I will add to please look out for the victim as increased attention to the situation could make that child feel even more uncomfortable.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
