DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m finding it hard to decide whether to attend a destination wedding for a close friend who’s like family to me.
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I am truly excited, and I know it would be a fun gathering. On the other hand, the trip would cost around $1,000, and while I could manage to cover it, I know it would put me in a really tight financial spot for months to come. I genuinely want to be there for her, but I’m worried about the long-term strain on my finances.
How can I discuss this with her without hurting her feelings or making it seem like I don’t care?
— Tight Budget
DEAR TIGHT BUDGET: What nobody tells you is that at a certain age, many people in your friend group will start to get married, which means you actually need a wedding fund to pay for attending these special events and buying gifts for the various couples.
The expectation is that you should attend as many of your close friends’ weddings as you can — and be able to afford it. Unrealistic? Sometimes.
My recommendation is that you look at your overall budget carefully and also at your friend group. Are there more weddings likely in the near future? It would be wise to plan for the big picture if you can.
If you can swing it, go to this wedding. Be frugal while there, and be willing to pinch pennies for a while for the next few months.
You can also talk to your friend. Perhaps she knows of other people attending the wedding who might want to share a room to lower costs or even stay with you at a different hotel.
If none of that works, be honest with her.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been invited to a high-profile event by an old friend I haven’t seen in years.
It’s a fantastic opportunity, but there’s a bit of a catch: The event is in a city I’m uncomfortable traveling to alone due to safety concerns.
I’m in my early 40s now and find that I’m more cautious about such things than I used to be.
While I’m tempted to decline the invitation to avoid the stress of navigating a new city alone, I don’t want to come off as indifferent or uninterested in reconnecting with my friend.
How should I approach this situation? I want to express my concerns honestly but also ensure I don’t hurt my friend’s feelings or seem like I’m brushing off the invitation. Thank you in advance.
— Safety-Conscious Friend
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DEAR SAFETY-CONSCIOUS FRIEND: Be honest with your friend. Express your trepidation about traveling solo, and talk to them about creative solutions.
Can you possibly meet up with them upon arrival, or even meet where they live and travel to the event together? Beyond that, you can contact the concierge of your hotel to ask for a companion to help you plan out your schedule and possibly go places with you. This costs more, but it is a service that is available in some places.
The point is that you should go. Just find ways to protect yourself that start with telling your friend the truth.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
