DEAR HARRIETTE: Our extended family reunion is in three days, and I know there will be intense discussions about personal achievements and financial success; this is common in Mexican families.
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I’m currently in a transitional phase in my career and am not ready to discuss my struggles openly.
At 32, I’ve often felt like the underdog at these gatherings, and I’m concerned about being pressured to share more than I’m comfortable with.
I’m trying to come up with excuses to miss the event, but I want to go. If I do attend, how do I survive this?
— Reluctant Attendee
DEAR RELUCTANT ATTENDEE: Peer pressure in families is real, and it can be emotionally debilitating.
Is there something about your life right now that you can point to that is positive? Are you taking care of your health? Are you developing a talent? What are you doing that you are proud of? Even if it is not a job, that would be good to be ready to say when asked.
You can also deflect. People love to talk about themselves. When you are asked to talk about yourself, say a few things, but then ask questions of others to get them engaged.
If there are children in the group, hang out with them for a while. They will be happy just to be with you without interrogating you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sisters and I are trying to figure out the best way to move forward with our dad’s care.
Up until recently, he was living independently and doing quite well on his own. He’s always been a strong and self-sufficient person, so we never really worried too much about him being alone. However, everything changed when he had a stroke a few weeks ago.
The stroke was a serious wake-up call for all of us. It’s been hard to see our dad, who’s always been so active and full of life, now struggling with his health and his ability to care for himself.
While he’s made some progress in his recovery, it’s clear that he’s no longer able to live on his own. He needs help with daily activities like cooking, cleaning and even getting around. The reality is that he’ll need ongoing care and support, which has left my sisters and me with a difficult decision to make.
We’re debating whether it would be better for our dad to move in with one of us or if he should go to a nursing home where he can receive professional care around the clock.
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Should we prioritize keeping him close to family, even if it means taking on more responsibility, or is it better to consider a facility where he can receive the care he needs?
— Next Steps
DEAR NEXT STEPS: Talk to your father’s doctor to get medical advice on what would be best for your father. Also, assess his finances.
Does he have long-term care insurance? How will he — or you and your siblings — be able to pay for the care he needs, whether in an assisted living community or at someone’s home? The cost of health care is astounding. You need to figure that out and then make a decision.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
