DEAR ABBY: My sister and I grew up with our father after our parents divorced. He was a hoarder.
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Years later, when he finally had to move out, it took three moving trucks to empty the two-bedroom house. You can imagine what that was like.
I am very triggered by clutter. I appreciate an organized home with space to breathe.
My husband of 10 years understands this, theoretically. For a long time, he was on board with a more austere setup. But recently we’ve become more comfortable financially, and he has started collecting things.
First, it was comic books; then a pile of vinyl records showed up. More recently, a set of art supplies seems to always be spilling over the counters and tables. He says his acquisitions are well within what is normal.
I know my background makes me overly sensitive about cleaning, but it’s really hard, and I’m stressed out every time I come home to piles of random objects and must move his stuff before I can make dinner.
We don’t have space for a “man cave.” I am in counseling, which helps, but not enough.
How can we reach a reasonable compromise when I know I might not be reasonable?
— TRIGGERED IN ARKANSAS
DEAR TRIGGERED: An alternative to throwing away your marriage along with the clutter might be to consider hiring a professional organizer to assist your husband in organizing his comic books, vinyl record collection and art supplies so they are less obtrusive. Other couples have done this successfully when blending two households, and it could be the answer for you.
DEAR ABBY: I’m the grandmother of three wonderful kids. I’m very involved in all of their activities and present at all important events. I have been since Day 1.
My grandchildren’s other grandparents are mostly absent, partly because of distance and also for personal reasons.
When these other grandparents show up to events or offer gifts or support of any kind, it’s made out to be a huge deal, whereas my presence is taken for granted. I’m never thanked for driving the kids to and from school and sports, taking them out for day trips or being there for practically everything.
My kids fall all over the absent grandparents every time they decide to show up for anything.
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Am I overly sensitive? Will the kids someday appreciate my presence, even though it doesn’t seem special now?
— READY TO GIVE UP
DEAR READY: I understand your feelings. However, while I am not sure about your children, I am positive that your grandchildren will remember all the effort you have made and continue to make on their behalf. This includes the countless events you have shared with them.
Regardless of how showy the gifts from the other grandparents may be, they can’t compare to the close connection your grandchildren share with you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
