DEAR MISS MANNERS: Will you please address car passenger etiquette — more specifically, passengers placing their feet on the dashboard?
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My dilemma is whether it is disgusting and unladylike, or a subliminal message implying some sort of positional engagement readiness.
GENTLE READER: Huh? Is this person expecting an engagement toe ring?
If your implication is that this type of familiarity displays a desire for further intimacy, Miss Manners suggests you quickly dissuade the passenger of the idea. Otherwise, you may be in for a lifetime of gross behavior and confusing subliminal messages.
Simply say, without an ounce of charm in your voice, “I just cleaned the dashboard, but if you need more room, try reclining the seat.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Thirty years ago, I embarked on a career as a professional pilot. Early on, I changed careers, although I kept flying for pleasure.
I have purchased a small airplane and was not prepared for the seemingly endless stream of unsolicited advice from my acquaintances, friends and family to “not kill” myself and my spouse. My aunt expressed concern that I would “JFK Jr.” myself in an airplane.
While many of these people don’t know that I flew professionally in the past, I still find these comments distasteful and disrespectful.
Is there a polite way to shut down these conversations?
GENTLE READER: “I doubt that I would have been issued a pilot’s license if I didn’t know what I was doing. I can’t speak for poor Mr. Kennedy, but I gather that you would prefer not to fly with me.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A choral director I know is retiring from her post of many years. The board of directors is having a retirement party for her, inviting chorus members past and present, and charging $60 a ticket for the dinner.
I always thought it was rude to charge guests for their dinner. Am I mistaken? It seems wrong to me.
GENTLE READER: It is, which the board will undoubtedly realize when fewer choristers than they anticipated are eager to celebrate at their own expense.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two years ago, we stayed in a lovely B&B, along with six other family members.
The accommodations were good, as was the location. However, we did not enjoy the daily breakfasts. We appreciated that the husband and wife proprietors rose early every day to provide the meal, so we took a bite or two of each item and thanked them — even though we believe the elaborate breakfast items they served came prepackaged and all they had to do was reheat them.
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Dear Abby: How do I deal with a chronically late employee who’s also my husband?
My family has decided we want to return to the same inn this summer. Is there a polite way to request that they provide a breakfast more to our liking? We just want some simple eggs, toast and coffee, but we don’t want to insult them or hurt their feelings.
GENTLE READER: “We tend to be light eaters in the morning — usually just some toast and coffee. But we don’t want to be any trouble, so we’re also happy to go out for it.”
Miss Manners trusts that any insult your hosts may feel will be countered by getting to trim their heat ‘n’ eat grocery list by half when you are there.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
