DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I have been excitedly planning a vacation together for months, just the two of us.
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We’ve talked about our plans, chosen destinations and envisioned how we’d spend our time catching up and enjoying each other’s company.
Lately, though, she’s been hinting about bringing along her new partner, whom I’ve never met.
I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable about the idea.
I was really looking forward to this trip. From the stories she’s shared, it seems like her boyfriend might be controlling. I’m worried that if he comes along, it could change the vibe of our vacation, but I’m also nervous that she won’t come if he’s not included.
I don’t want to seem unsupportive of their relationship, but I’m also concerned about how this could impact the trip we’ve both been so excited about. How do I remind her of our original plans?
— Vacation Trouble
DEAR VACATION TROUBLE: Talk to your best friend directly about your original plans for a BFF vacation.
Acknowledge that it is wonderful that she has a partner now, but this trip is supposed to be for the two of you. Ask her to honor your commitment to each other for this trip. Who knows? You may never get another chance to do this together.
Whether or not the boyfriend is controlling, the trip will be completely different if there are three of you — especially since this is a new love interest.
Say no to the third wheel, even if it means the trip gets canceled. You are bound to be miserable if you go through with it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m dealing with a health issue that requires significant dietary changes, and I’m struggling to make it work with my family’s eating habits.
I’ve had to cut out gluten and dairy, but my family continues to enjoy dishes that include these ingredients. They often have pasta night with creamy sauces, which has been really tough for me, both physically and emotionally.
I have felt left out as I sit there with my separate meal, and it seems like the divide between what I need to eat and what everyone else enjoys is growing wider.
I’ve tried to make my meals fit in with the family’s routine, but it’s challenging when everyone’s tastes and habits are so different from mine.
I don’t want to act “special” and make my dietary needs a source of tension at home. How can I talk to my family about incorporating my dietary needs into our meals without making it feel like a burden or causing resentment?
— Dietary Challenges
DEAR DIETARY CHALLENGES: This feels especially difficult for you because it is so new. Many people have to change their diets and adjust their meals accordingly.
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There will probably continue to be many nights when you must eat a different meal from your family. That’s OK. What you can do to get them to consider some of your meals is to get creative and prepare dishes that look and taste delicious, even though they do not have the ingredients that your family is accustomed to.
Look up recipes and introduce new ideas to the table. Over time, they may come to like some of your choices.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
