DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling-out with a friend recently, and I’m not sure if I want to continue the relationship at all.
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She is probably a certifiable narcissist. Everything revolves around her. She needs to be the center of attention — always. She revels in making quips about everyone and everything, and her comments are often biting.
I know this about her, but she crossed the line when she started talking about my son. I believe our families and certainly our children should be off-limits when it comes to making jokes at others’ expense.
When I challenged her on this, she doubled down, saying that what she had said about my son was true, so what’s the big deal, even though it was unkind.
Maybe I am being petty. Maybe I am crazy to be friends with this woman at all.
I am a positive person, and she is very negative, though she doesn’t think that about herself.
I know I cannot change people, but I don’t appreciate someone bad-mouthing my child. Should I cut her off?
— Drawing the Line
DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: You have to decide how much is too much and what you are going to do about it.
You already knew what this woman was like based on how she talked about other people. It was only a matter of time before her vitriol would be pointed at you and yours.
If that was the last straw for you, so be it. You probably don’t need to tell her. You can just stop inviting her to spend time with you, stop accepting her invitations to hang out and limit your exposure to her.
Why do I say that? If she doesn’t understand that insulting your son was taking her comments too far, chances are, she won’t have a sense of why you would cut her off.
Don’t waste your breath; just change your actions.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been asked to co-author a book with a colleague for a company project, which is super exciting but also nerve-wracking because we have totally different writing styles and creative visions.
I really want this collaboration to work out, but I’m feeling a bit anxious about how we can merge our ideas in a way that respects each other’s contributions and keeps the partnership productive.
Do you have any advice on how to work this out and make sure we create something awesome together?
— Co-Author Collaboration
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DEAR CO-AUTHOR COLLABORATION: Sometimes collaborating writers take on different chapters so that their contributions do not have to turn into one singular voice. You may consider that as a practical option.
Still, you will have to come to terms on the structure and focus of the book together.
You may want to invite a member of your team to serve as an editor — or referee — to help you establish an outline and help decide who does what.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
