DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister, who is eight years older than me, showed up late to my wedding and missed nearly half of the ceremony.
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As my now-husband and I were exchanging vows, she made a grand entrance that was anything but discreet, causing a huge disruption. To make matters worse, she was wearing a white gown, which felt completely inappropriate and disrespectful.
My sister has always been somewhat difficult, and I’ve tried to be understanding of her feelings, especially since she’s been vocal about her frustration and embarrassment over not being married at 40.
I know that being single is a sensitive topic for her, but her actions at my wedding felt like a deliberate attempt to steal the spotlight and overshadow my special moment. It’s as if she couldn’t stand to see me happy and wanted to get back at me for finding my person.
Should I confront her about how her actions affected me?
— Jealous Sister
DEAR JEALOUS SISTER: You absolutely should talk to your sister and let her know how inappropriate her behavior was at your wedding.
She has to know better than to come late, wear a white gown and attempt to upstage you at this precious time.
Acknowledge that you know she struggles with sensitivity around not being married herself, but your wedding was not the time to act out.
While you can make those points, don’t expect your sister to miraculously apologize and change. She must be dealing with some demons to do such a thing on her sister’s big day. But at least you can call her on it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: During my 13-year-old daughter’s basketball practice, her coach, a 26-year-old man, challenged her and her teammates to a race, with the promise that if one of them could beat him, he’d throw a pizza party for the team.
From the start, it seemed like an unfair challenge since he’s an adult and obviously faster and stronger than a group of 13-year-olds. But my daughter, who is very quick for her age, took on the challenge with enthusiasm. She pushed herself hard and came surprisingly close to beating him.
When the race ended, instead of congratulating her or praising her effort, the coach accused her of cheating.
He said she needed to rerun the race by herself as a punishment, which seemed absurd and punitive. My daughter responded by saying she hadn’t cheated and suggested that he was just embarrassed because he almost got beat by a 13-year-old girl.
The situation escalated into an argument, and my daughter was understandably upset.
As a parent, I’m not sure if I should speak to the coach directly, involve the school or the league or just let my daughter handle it herself.
— Out-of-Control Coach
DEAR OUT-OF-CONTROL COACH: It is time for you to intervene. It sounds like your daughter was bullied by her coach, which is unacceptable.
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Go to the school principal and report the incident. If your daughter is up to it, ask her to recount exactly what happened. Do it soon, as it will be her word against the coach’s. You need the facts outlined clearly so that the school can determine how to discipline the coach.
The job of a coach is to teach and support the team, not to demean them — though sometimes that does happen.
Your daughter needs to know that you have her back. This is one of those times when she needs you to stand up for her.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
