DEAR HARRIETTE: I accidentally discovered through a viral TikTok video that my childhood friend has been using my personal stories and experiences as material for her stand-up comedy routine.
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We used to be neighbors, and naturally, we used to share everything growing up, from secrets to dreams, and I always trusted her to keep my personal life private.
Now, seeing those intimate moments turned into jokes for a crowd to laugh at feels like a betrayal of that trust.
While I’m happy for her success, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable with how public and personal my life experiences have become without my permission. It’s like my innermost thoughts and memories have been put on display for the world to see, and I never consented to that.
I know that comedians often draw inspiration from their own lives and the lives of those around them, but there should be boundaries when it comes to sharing someone else’s personal stories.
I want to address this situation with my friend in a respectful and honest manner. I need to have a conversation with her about how I feel and express my concerns about the boundaries that have been crossed. Any advice would be valuable.
— Friend’s Betrayal
DEAR FRIEND’S BETRAYAL: Speak to an attorney first to find out if you have any legal footing in this matter. This is important if you choose to press her to quit telling your stories. You don’t have to lead with that when you talk to her; just know what recourse, if any, you have.
Reach out to your friend and ask to get together. Share that you have noticed her success — and also her content. Tell her how shocked and disappointed you were to discover that she was sharing your personal life story on stage without your permission. Ask her to stop.
What she says next will inform your next steps. Without wanting to further out yourself, you probably have little recourse unless you learn that you can sue her.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My workplace recently implemented a new policy that requires everyone to participate in team-building activities outside of work hours. It consists of raffles and prizes that you can win by answering questions regarding our company processes.
While I understand the intention, these activities are taking up a lot of my personal time.
I’m reluctant to voice my concerns because I don’t want to appear uncooperative when everyone else doesn’t seem to have a problem with it. I tried to dodge a few times by saying I have an emergency, but I noticed my manager became more critical of my output afterward. I suspect it’s because of my lack of cooperation with the activities.
I heard managers get incentives when their team wins. How do you think I can address this in a constructive way?
— Office Politics
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DEAR OFFICE POLITICS: Lauren Wesley Wilson, author of “What Do You Need?,” tells a story of herself doing her best at work, but being unwilling to do the extracurricular activities.
At that stage in her career, she thought that being excellent at her job should be enough. She says she quickly learned that team-building is equally important, and that includes participating in outside activities that are valuable to your company.
My recommendation to you is to do the requested activities with a smile on your face and get to know your teammates. It will pay off in the long run.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
