DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got promoted to senior manager at the finance firm where I work.
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The company is less than five years old, and, although it has been successful, there’s still a lot to be done to stabilize it, just like any other startup.
I was not the original choice for this promotion. The rumor in the office is that I was selected over an employee with more experience because the supervisors had overheard she was pregnant and would eventually need maternity leave. Since this is a crucial time for the company, they couldn’t afford the disruption.
Last week, I found out that I am three weeks pregnant.
How should I inform my boss that I will need maternity leave after all? I’m contemplating keeping it hidden for now, especially since the promotion comes with a 20% salary increase. How should I proceed? I’m afraid the promotion might be taken away when I just got it.
— Promotion Dilemma
DEAR PROMOTION DILEMMA: It is illegal for an employer to discriminate against someone based on pregnancy status.
While it is understandable that the hiring manager would prefer to have job stability with employees, what they did is unlawful, and the woman they passed over for the job has every right to contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission about it.
As for you, I would keep your pregnancy to yourself for now. You are not obligated to reveal it, and clearly your company is willing to retaliate against you for becoming pregnant.
When the time comes, offer to do whatever you can to support the team. Check to make sure that your company offers maternity leave; it is not a guarantee. Even though it’s not necessarily required, you may want to offer to come back to work sooner or pitch in a certain amount of time per week while you are off.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in Alabama with my three college roommates.
When we first moved in, we all agreed that every Wednesday we would each take turns cooking for the whole group since we all come from different states and have different food specialties.
I have been a vegetarian for five years for both health and moral reasons. One of the girls is allergic to tofu, so when it’s my turn to cook, I make sure not to include it on the menu.
On the other hand, when it’s her turn, she cooks all sorts of meat and suggests that I order DoorDash for myself.
When this first happened, I let it slide, but it happened again this week. When I asked her about it, she said she has no responsibility to accommodate my hassle of food preferences and that I should stop joining the Wednesday tradition if I’m not up for it.
I find this extremely disrespectful.
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I’m a bit hesitant to share this with the other girls. Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated.
— Vegetarian Roommate
DEAR VEGETARIAN ROOMMATE: Tell this roommate that you don’t appreciate her selfishness. Point out that you go out of your way to prepare food that suits her needs.
By all means, tell your other roommates. You four made an agreement, and she should not be able to get away with ignoring your dietary restrictions. You need their help to set things back on course.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
