DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent out a dinner invitation to my in-laws. My brother-in-law called my husband to confirm attendance.
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He added that he will be bringing his boyfriend, and will require certain food accommodations because the boyfriend was just discharged from the hospital a couple of days ago after a major organ transplant surgery.
I decided to cancel the dinner, telling my husband that it is rude and entitled to inconvenience your host. If one is so delicate that he needs special treatment, then he should stay home.
My husband says I’m being too sensitive and should just ignore the request. What does Miss Manners think?
GENTLE READER: That someone should be checking in on the boyfriend who just had a major organ transplant?!
Miss Manners has sympathy for the rampant abuse of hosts when it comes to inviting extra people and dictating menus. But she does not cancel dinners over them — and not for legitimate excuses such as bringing an established partner and asking to accommodate his post-hospitalization diet.
Not only are you being too sensitive, you are being actively insensitive. But you may take comfort in knowing that your husband’s idea to ignore the (likely) medically necessary dietary request may actually be worse.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law has been invited to several family functions. She attends, but then always leaves without saying goodbye. We look up, and she is gone without a word to anyone.
I think this is rude behavior. There have been some family disagreements in the past, but nothing too major. I’m starting to think she doesn’t like us and comes out of obligation.
What is your take?
GENTLE READER: Your sister-in-law’s take is probably more relevant than that of Miss Manners. She therefore suggests you say, “We were so happy to see you at Cousin Ethan’s retirement party, but you left before we got a chance to say goodbye. Is it something we said?”
At which point, she will tell you, or not. But at least she will have been put on notice … that you noticed.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was given a very beautiful and expensive gift, but I have no use for it and it is not my style. I do, however, have a friend whom I know would love it because she has the same expensive taste.
Would it be considered rude if I regifted it to this friend?
Both friends are in my inner circle and know each other. I wouldn’t want to hurt the original giver’s feelings, as she is probably the kindest soul I know. I’ve kept everything else she has given me, but this is just not something I want. I’d hate for it to go to waste when I know somebody else would love it.
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Is there any proper etiquette on regifting?
GENTLE READER: The etiquette on regifting is not to get caught.
The likelihood in this case is too great, and not, in Miss Manners’ opinion, worth the risk. She suggests you find another worthy recipient — preferably someone who lives in another state or country.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
