DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I live in Wisconsin and are fortunate to own a second lakeside property. Over the years, we’ve extended invitations to various loved ones, offering them the chance to stay and enjoy the lake.
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Recently, my husband’s close friends asked if they could spend a weekend at the cabin with their family, and we said yes. They seemed to have a wonderful time, and everything seemed fine when they left.
However, when we went up to the cabin a week later, we discovered that the dock was badly damaged: Boards were broken, some sections were loose and the entire structure was in disrepair. We were shocked, as the dock had been perfectly fine before their stay.
When we called them to ask what had happened, they casually mentioned that their teenager had had a mishap with the dock, but the damage was minor so they didn’t think it was necessary to tell us.
They didn’t provide much explanation, and we were left feeling both disappointed and uncertain about how to proceed.
How do we approach this situation without causing tension or awkwardness while still addressing the damage to the dock?
— Violated
DEAR VIOLATED: First, get an estimate of the cost for the damages to the dock. Next, contact your friends and tell them that you are disappointed that they did not immediately tell you about the damage, but it was measurable.
Let them know the cost to make the repairs, and ask them to send you the money. Be direct.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just got engaged to a man I disapprove of.
I have watched her fall into a relationship with someone I believe is not good for her at all. Over the past two years, this man has shown increasingly controlling behavior toward her. He often belittles her in front of others, and he manipulates her emotions.
She has changed so much since she began dating him, both physically and emotionally. She’s lost a significant amount of weight, about 15 pounds, and her vibrant personality has dimmed. She no longer laughs as she used to, and she seems to be walking on eggshells around him.
Even worse, she’s grown distant from her family. We used to talk every day, but now our conversations are rare and strained.
We’ve tried to gently urge her to reconsider the relationship, but she refuses to listen. She seems completely under his spell, unwilling to see the negative impact he’s having on her.
My husband and I feel helpless and scared for her future, but every time we bring it up, it pushes her further away.
Now that they’re engaged, it feels like we’ve run out of time and options. How can we help her see the truth without alienating her completely?
— Lost Daughter
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DEAR LOST DAUGHTER: It may be impossible for your daughter to see what you see. One option could be to recommend premarital counseling. Perhaps you could even help your daughter find a therapist or clergyperson to meet with.
Another option could be to stage an intervention with loved ones and your daughter where multiple people share their concerns.
Know, however, that it could take your daughter crashing before she is able to see the truth.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
