DEAR ABBY: I am a childless 70-year-old man. Every year around the anniversary of my brother’s death, some relatives get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate him.
Related Articles
Dear Abby: My friend hasn’t even asked my grandkids’ names, and I think I know why
Dear Abby: I was flabbergasted when the guests tore apart the centerpieces
Dear Abby: My son’s wife has him working 2 jobs and sleeping on the floor. What should I do?
Dear Abby: She’s my date for the wedding. Shouldn’t that be enough?
Dear Abby: I’m upset by how they spell my daughter’s name
We have a remembrance at the cemetery and go to Mass together on Sunday. We also go out for meals and drinks. There are three generations involved now, the youngest of the kids being 10.
This year, my cousin’s son and his wife had a baby. We’re all happy for them. A couple of days ago, I sent a group text on our family thread saying I didn’t think it was a good idea to take an infant on this trip. I explained that I felt it would distract from the purpose of the get-together.
Well, my cousin is offended and won’t tell me why. I carefully worded my message so I didn’t say anything negative. Was I wrong?
— TRADITIONALIST IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TRADITIONALIST: You wrote that the purpose of this get-together is for the family to honor your deceased brother and celebrate his life together. When you posted your message on the family thread, did you expect your cousin’s son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby?
Their baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without the mother.
While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of line, and I can see why it upset your cousin.
DEAR ABBY: I dated a colleague when I was 22 but broke it off because I couldn’t deal with the fact that he was several inches shorter than me.
I did not tell him why. I just said, “It’s me, not you.”
I am now in my 60s, have had a very successful career, and never married. I see online that he became a distinguished researcher. In his online picture, he looks like a sweet older man now, and I would give anything to reconnect with him. Would this be foolish?
Was I too insensitive at 22 to understand that I likely hurt him? Do you think he would forgive me if I got in touch with him now?
He lives far away, so an in-person meeting would be out of the question in the near term. Would an email be OK? He’s in his early 70s and not married.
— STUPID THEN IN OHIO
DEAR ‘STUPID’: At 22, you weren’t insensitive; you were shallow.
Related Articles
Asking Eric: They’ve called a meeting about my mom, and I don’t know what to say
Harriette Cole: After 3 years of silence, she sent me this text
Miss Manners: My neighbor insulted me with a can of tuna
Dear Abby: My friend hasn’t even asked my grandkids’ names, and I think I know why
Asking Eric: I can’t believe they waited a day to check on us after the hurricane
Look at this from that man’s perspective. What is he supposed to think when he receives an email 40 years after a colleague dumped him by saying, “It’s me, not you”? Remember, as successful as he is now, he is not any taller.
My advice is to leave it alone. Find someone you can be physically attracted to who lives geographically closer, appreciates how successful you have been in your career and is open to a relationship.
A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be out trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety. Happy Halloween, everyone! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
