DEAR HARRIETTE: Due to some recent financial struggles, I’m going to have to move in with my brother temporarily.
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While I’m grateful that he’s willing to help me out, I’m really anxious about how it’s going to go.
The biggest issue is that his wife isn’t thrilled about the idea of me living with them. We’ve had a rocky relationship, and I know she’s going along with this only because my brother insisted.
The main source of tension is that she’s very particular about her home. She has a bit of an obsessive-compulsive streak when it comes to cleanliness and organization, and even the smallest things being out of place can set her off. I know I’ll need to be extra mindful, but I’m worried that no matter how careful I am, there’s a chance I’ll slip up and end up upsetting her.
I don’t want to add to the stress in their household or make things harder for my brother, but I also want to feel somewhat comfortable in what will be my temporary home.
How can I navigate this situation so that I respect her boundaries and keep the peace?
— OCD
DEAR OCD: Speak to your sister-in-law. Tell her you will do your best to honor the rules of her home.
Do not leave items of yours out anywhere in the home. Be sure to keep your room tidy as well. Apologize if you upset her. It is her house.
Meanwhile, save your money and get out as soon as possible. It’s best that you avoid getting too comfortable, because you need to remember that this arrangement is temporary.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a really tough spot with my two best friends. Recently, they had a huge falling-out over something pretty serious, and it’s escalated to the point where they’re not speaking to each other.
They’ve each been confiding in me about their side of the story, and while I’ve been trying my best to listen and be supportive, it feels like they’re each expecting me to take sides.
The problem is, I care about both of them deeply, and I don’t want to lose either friendship.
I feel like if I lean too much toward one friend, the other will feel betrayed, and I could end up caught in the middle of their drama. I hate the idea of being forced to choose between them or having to take on the role of mediator.
On top of this, it’s becoming exhausting to constantly hear them vent about each other.
I don’t want to seem unsupportive by asking them to stop, but I also don’t want to get dragged into their conflict or let it affect my own mental health.
How can I maintain my relationships with both of them without getting pulled into their issues?
— Friend Chasm
DEAR FRIEND CHASM: The best thing you can do is stop talking to each of them about the other.
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Draw a line, and tell them how much you love them and want to remain friends with both of them. You are so sorry that they are fighting right now, but you do not want to take sides or have to choose between them.
Once the boundary is clear, stop engaging either of them on this topic. Hopefully, you will be able to maintain both friendships. Better yet, it will be amazing if the two of them would rekindle their relationship.
In the meantime, the way you can protect yourself is to disengage from any conversation about their issues.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
