DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, my family lost my mother, who was the rock of our family. Two weeks after that, my family started falling apart.
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My older brother, younger sister and I no longer speak. My brother and I got in a physical confrontation and haven’t spoken since.
A year later, I suffered a massive heart attack. I was at death’s door. My doctors said it was a miracle I survived. I’m blessed to be here, but since then, not one family member has reached out.
The story of my survival was all over social media and even on a few TV newscasts. My heart function is low, and I had a defibrillator implanted.
I have been missing my family more and more, but I’m also afraid my heart will get broken. We have made mistakes, and I know I’m also at fault. I feel awful about what happened, but I’m hurt that no one reached out to my wife or daughter asking if I was OK or if they needed anything.
I recently had some contact with my brother’s son, and we have been texting, but I have yet to hear from my brother.
My family is growing with grandkids, and I would love to reconnect our families before it’s too late. Is it too late?
— ESTRANGED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR ESTRANGED: Maybe, maybe not. If you haven’t already, write or call your brother and make a formal apology for what happened between you. While you are at it, do the same with the rest of your family members.
Tell them you are sorry, that none of you is getting any younger and you would like to be part of the family again. I can’t predict the outcome, but this would be a good start.
I wish you luck. With the passage of time, people sometimes gain a better perspective.
DEAR ABBY: My sister “Mary Ann” is a hoarder. She refuses all offers of assistance (physically and emotionally) to clear her home of the overwhelming amount of stuff that negatively impacts her life.
Our extended family is thrilled that she has finally started to make an effort to sort through some of her “treasures.”
Unfortunately, we have now become recipients of birthday and Christmas gifts, some of which are opened, used, dusty and have animal fur on them. We do not want or need these “gifts.”
I sense that unloading these items on us gives Mary Ann a feeling of comfort and keeps her from making difficult decisions that will lead to truly changing her thinking related to letting go of her junk.
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How do we politely (and firmly) express to Mary Ann that we have no desire to receive her hoard, bit by bit, without reversing the progress she has made in attempting to address her disorder?
— UNHAPPY RECIPIENT IN MISSOURI
DEAR RECIPIENT: You are not going to “fix” Mary Ann. Be glad she is taking baby steps to help herself.
I do not think it would be helpful to “politely express” that you have no desire to receive her hoard, bit by bit. Instead, accept the items and then quietly donate them or give them to someone who might use them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
