DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family celebrates many holidays with a group dinner. Those family members who have the space take turns hosting.
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The host provides the main dish and a few sides, and everyone else contributes something to the meal. This has worked fine up until a few years ago.
Now my niece and her husband bring containers from home to fill with leftovers, even loading their plates with more than they could possibly eat so that that food can be taken home, too.
This year, I am hosting, and plan to offer a meat-based meal. My niece and her husband are vegetarians, so they will only be able to eat the entree I prepare separately for them.
How can the hosts address this issue in the future without appearing rude or mean? The couple has more than enough resources to support themselves.
GENTLE READER: Your solution is clever, if a bit devious and indirect.
If you want to be more forthright — or if you tire of cooking all that meat — when the couple breaks out the containers, Miss Manners suggests you say, “Oh, we have plans for those leftovers, but please enjoy all you like while you are here.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A while ago, I went through a traumatic experience in my life and was very depressed. I read online about a celebrity who was going through the same experience.
Through social media channels, I began communicating with this person. We became quick friends and spoke often. I really enjoyed talking with him and looked forward to our chats.
I then realized I was not speaking to who I thought I was, but to someone posing as this person — an online scammer.
They usually reel you in and then start asking for money, and sure enough, he asked me about contributing to his personal charity. I told him I wasn’t interested, and that was the end of it. He never brought it up again.
We have now been speaking for several months. The thing is, I have become quite attracted to him. I really enjoy talking to this person, whom I feel that I’ve come to know, but he still pretends to be the celebrity (which I’m assuming is his job).
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Should I just come out and say that I know he is not that person? Or should I stop talking to him completely? I would really miss talking to him, and I have developed strong feelings for him.
GENTLE READER: Far be it for Miss Manners to discourage a love match, but it seems to her that this “relationship” is anything but that. Do you really want to start a love affair with a lie and/or an accusation?
If you truly cannot help yourself, perhaps you could say, “I really enjoy talking to you, but something seems off. Is there anything you want to tell me?” But if this person continues the farce, Miss Manners encourages you to cut it off. It can only get worse from there.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
