DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I have made the decision to move our family to Barcelona. We have three teenage daughters — aged 14, 16 and 17 — who are attached to our current home in Phoenix.
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They’ve made it clear that they’re not happy about the move because they love their schools, their friends and the familiarity of the community we’ve built here.
We completely understand their concerns, especially given their ages. Uprooting them during such formative years feels like a big risk, but we truly believe this move is the best decision for our family in the long run.
My wife is originally from Spain, and for years she has dreamed of returning to her home country. It has taken longer than expected to get everything in place, but the opportunity has finally presented itself. We’ve found work, housing and schools in Barcelona, and we’re excited about the new experiences and cultural exposure this move will bring.
Still, we’re struggling to strike a balance between what feels right for us as parents and what feels fair to our daughters. They’ve accused us of being selfish and not considering how this will disrupt their lives.
How can we help our daughters see the value in this move while still respecting their emotions and concerns?
— Uprooted
DEAR UPROOTED: It is perfectly understandable that your daughters feel upset by such a dramatic move at this formative time in their lives. There’s probably little you can say to make them feel better.
If you have the resources, you should see if you can arrange for them to visit friends in a year or offer to bring a friend over to visit.
Once your family gets to Barcelona and begins to settle, chances are, they will have dynamic experiences that will make them feel comfortable and excited. Stay resolute with your decision, and talk about the opportunities in Spain as you also acknowledge how tough this transition is for everyone.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I really love pets, especially cats. Recently, my neighbor asked me to look after her cat for what she said would be a few days, but it’s now been four weeks, and she still hasn’t returned.
While I love animals and have been doing my best to care for the cat, this wasn’t something I agreed to. It’s starting to become a strain on my schedule and finances, and I’m concerned about the added responsibility.
I don’t want the cat to suffer due to my neighbor’s lack of responsibility, but I really don’t know how to address this with her without creating conflict.
— Unexpected Pet Responsibilities
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DEAR UNEXPECTED PET RESPONSIBILITIES: This is no time to be passive. Call your neighbor and tell her that you have cared for her cat for as long as you can; it is time to return and take it back.
If she says she is unable to take her cat back, tell her you are sorry, but this is her responsibility. Perhaps she should call an animal shelter or place an ad to find a new home for the cat, but your home is not an option.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
