DEAR HARRIETTE: My adult siblings and I went on a trip to Italy last month. It was our first time ever traveling outside the United States, so naturally I was excited about the experience.
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I thought it was going to be a fun and memorable trip, especially since we all usually get along pretty well. However, I quickly realized that things weren’t going to go as smoothly as I’d hoped.
This was the first time in over 10 years that we’ve spent an extended amount of time together. While we’ve always enjoyed each other’s company during shorter visits or family gatherings, being together for an entire trip brought up a lot of tension. My two older sisters, in particular, were at each other’s throats for most of the vacation.
The constant bickering made it hard to enjoy the sights and experiences we were supposed to be sharing. I found myself caught in the middle, trying to mediate and keep the peace, but it was exhausting. I spent more time trying to calm everyone down than I did enjoying the trip.
I had hoped this vacation would bring us closer together, but instead, it left me feeling drained and disappointed.
Now that we’re back, my siblings want to plan another vacation so we can spend more time together. I love my siblings, but I’m hesitant about planning another big trip together.
How can I address the issues that came up without causing more conflict?
— Family Conflict
DEAR FAMILY CONFLICT: You have to discuss this directly with your family.
Share your frustrations that stemmed from the constant bickering and tension. Express your reservations about taking another trip together, given how emotionally exhausting it was for you. Ask them to share their experience of the trip and their honest thoughts about doing it again.
Invite them to consider how they might behave differently to ensure that there is peace during the trip. Listen. You will learn if it’s worth doing again.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I’m constantly giving to others but never have time for myself. I am a single mom. I have a full-time job and help care for my mom.
How can I set boundaries and start prioritizing self-care without feeling guilty?
— Juggling
DEAR JUGGLING: As hard as it may seem in the beginning, you need to start putting yourself first.
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That may mean waking up an hour early to meditate, take a bath, drink tea, do some stretching or otherwise tend to yourself before your household wakes up. Train your family to give you quiet time in the morning and evening — even if it’s only for a few minutes.
Ask for help. Know that you do not have to do everything alone, even as a single mom.
Build a network with others who have similar needs. Arrange to babysit each other’s children and support however it’s needed. Pool your resources when necessary and schedule breaks so that everyone has a chance to decompress.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
