DEAR HARRIETTE: At the beginning of last year, I met the man of my dreams.
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He continues to amaze me in more ways than one: He prioritizes me; he’s really considerate and affectionate; he’s accomplished and ambitious; and he’s hilarious.
Lately, though, I’ve been having some concerns about what our future will look like.
He has three children from a previous marriage. He always makes it seem as though things are amicable with them and going well, but I don’t feel totally confident. Although he is really attentive and proactive when it comes to my needs and our relationship, I worry because it is rare that I hear or see him interacting with his children.
We often spend entire weekends together, and I am beginning to wonder when or if he spends time with them.
He often reassures me that he sees them for all important occasions and “as needed” (which he claims is often during weekdays), but I’m not sure how true that is and don’t necessarily know how to express that.
I love my partner, and he has expressed a strong desire to have more children in the future. How can I address my concerns with him before moving further into our relationship?
— Kid Connection
DEAR KID CONNECTION: Tell your partner that you are enjoying your relationship and agree with him that it may be time to think about your future together.
Share that you are curious about his relationship with his children and what that may look like in the future. Ask to meet his children so you can see for yourself what type of relationship they have.
It could be that he has established a rhythm with them that works, or it could be that they are completely estranged.
Find out by meeting them and seeing for yourself, and continue the conversation about the future and what you both envision life together to be like.
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends and I met and grew up together in the church. For as long as we’ve known each other, we’ve been heavily involved in our church community, practices and traditions.
The past few years, though, I’ve noticed that she has taken a really big step back from these things. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or if it’s simply a matter of time or other priorities in her life.
I am still heavily involved in our childhood church and share stories and updates with her often, but she never mentions wanting to return or stop in or restart, so I wonder if that’s a conversation she’d prefer not to have.
I know people’s spiritual life can sometimes be a sensitive topic, and I want to be mindful of that, but I’d also hate to see a friend miss out on this aspect of her life because I was too afraid to ask some hard questions.
How can I inquire about changes in her spiritual life without coming off as intrusive? I don’t want to be presumptuous or overstep.
— Come Back
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DEAR COME BACK: Sit with your friend and tell her you miss her at church. Share how important it has been for you at this time in your life. Ask her if she would consider coming to a service or another activity to see if it’s still a fit for her.
Don’t push. Invite.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
