DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a guy online recently.
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I’m sort of old-school, so I’m not the biggest advocate for online dating. Generally speaking, I prefer in-person meetings, but I have heard that the online route has worked for some people.
This guy and I have a few mutual followers, and he’s a photographer, so that may be how we ended up on each other’s pages. He would do some mild flirtation (such as sending cute emojis via DM or in response to my posts), and then that graduated to flirtatious and curious conversation (fewer emojis, more compliments and inquiries about my interests and whereabouts).
I am a woman of faith, and I feel some strong conviction that this man may become my husband. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel so strongly. I’ve never felt so convinced before.
Is it crazy to trust my gut? How can you discern what the heart wants versus what God wants?
— Internet Wife
DEAR INTERNET WIFE: Have you physically met this man yet? I am concerned that you are forking over all your emotions to someone you don’t really know.
Slow down. Meet the man first — ideally in a public setting. Get to see what he’s like when you are face to face.
You can remain genuinely interested in him, but go slowly so that you can get to know him and discover if you two are compatible.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I just moved back to my hometown.
After college, I moved to Georgia to teach. I didn’t really know anyone there. I had a few estranged cousins I rekindled with, and I made friends with some of my co-workers, but that was about it.
I lived in Georgia for three years before the loneliness started weighing on me and I decided to move back home to Florida.
Lucky for me, a few of my college friends had moved there post-grad, so the decision to move home felt easy for me.
Now that I’m home, though, it’s nothing like what I expected. Despite being in the same city, my friends seem to have their own grooves. They say they are happy I’m here, but it doesn’t always feel that way.
I still feel alone and even left out sometimes. I don’t always get invited to all of their plans, and no one offered to help me or visit me as I moved into my new place.
Is our friendship past the honeymoon phase?
— Lonely
DEAR LONELY: Sadly, you cannot count on other people for your happiness, no matter what your history may be. You have to find ways to fill your cup and be self-sufficient.
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Note that you moved home after several years, which means years of your friends who remained at home continuing to fortify their bonds and building a life together.
You are an outsider. It’s natural that you wouldn’t be invited to everything. That’s not a slight; it’s just life.
Stop being upset or insecure. Create opportunities to get together with your friends, and go out and meet some new people. You are responsible for your life and your state of being.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
