DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 52 years.
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While looking for a tax document, I found a manila envelope that had a note written on the outside. It said, “If something happens to me, please destroy this, because I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
I opened the envelope and found nude pictures of my husband and another woman taken 30 years ago.
When I confronted my husband, he said it happened a long time ago and it’s my fault for opening the envelope.
I never received an apology, and I no longer want to be intimate with him. I need advice on how to get past this.
— PHOTO-FINISHED IN GEORGIA
DEAR PHOTO-FINISHED: That your husband wouldn’t offer an apology only adds insult to injury. What a fool.
He left a “time bomb” and didn’t have enough common sense to consider what would happen if, after his death, you or your children sifted through his souvenirs.
Because you want to get past this, it’s time to consult a licensed marriage and family therapist. If your husband refuses to go with you, go alone — or pray for amnesia.
DEAR ABBY: I was out to dinner this evening. A father and his two sons (10 and 6) were seated at the table next to ours.
As soon as they sat down, the father began berating the 10-year-old’s performance at a sporting event. He called him “worthless” and a “piece of dog sh-t.” It continued throughout the entire meal.
I felt bad for the boy and was horrified at the way his father was treating him. I wanted to take the father aside but didn’t know if it would make him abuse his son even more.
What advice do you have for situations like this?
— SITTING BY IN COLORADO
DEAR SITTING BY: It’s counterproductive when parents become overly involved in their children’s sports activities. Clearly, the public shaming this father was giving the boy wasn’t helpful encouragement.
That said, you were wise to remain silent for the reason you stated. If you had tried to intervene, it would have embarrassed the abuser, and it might have made things worse for the boy.
DEAR ABBY: “Debbie” and I have known each other for 15 years. Our children grew up together, and we have participated in a lot of activities together. She helped me through a difficult divorce and has always been there for me.
Debbie decided about a year ago that we could no longer be friends due to our different political views. She sent a text out of the blue saying it.
I was devastated. I have tried to contact her, but she has blocked my number.
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In all the years Debbie and I have known each other, we never discussed politics. Since she blocked my number, I’ve thought about writing to her or dropping by her house to see if we can get past this.
What do you think I should do, if anything?
— LOST MY BEST FRIEND
DEAR LOST: I am sorry for your loss. What I think is that the next move should be Debbie’s. What she did was cruel. Unless you wish to court more judgment and rejection, keep your distance.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
