DEAR HARRIETTE: My long-term partner and I have built a wonderful life together, but there’s one major issue we can’t seem to resolve, which is whether we want kids.
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He’s always wanted to have children, and I’ve always been sure that I don’t.
In the beginning of our relationship, this wasn’t a big topic of discussion, but now that we’re getting older, it’s becoming impossible to ignore. He’s made it clear that having a family is important to him, while I can’t imagine my life going in that direction.
We love each other deeply and have a strong relationship in every other way, but I’m afraid this difference is too big to overcome.
I don’t want to be the reason he gives up his dream of becoming a parent, but I also don’t want to force myself into a role I know I don’t want.
Neither of us wants to break up, but I’m struggling to see how we can move forward without resentment or regret.
Is there a way to find a compromise on something this big, or are we simply incompatible in the long run?
— At a Crossroads
DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: This is a tough one as it is fundamental to the creation of family.
What’s most important is that you talk it out completely. Listen to each other, and see if there is a creative idea that may present a compromise.
For example, can you be godparents to your friends’ or siblings’ children so that he can be as integrally involved in a child’s life as they will allow without you having to take on a responsibility that is beyond your capacity? I know people without children who have stepped into that role and experienced profound fulfillment.
If you two cannot come to a meeting of the minds, talk about parting ways. Make this decision together.
From my personal experience, I had decided that I was not going to have children, and my husband knew that. The short version of this story is that 10 years into our marriage, I got pregnant. I now have a 21-year-old daughter and could not be happier. I fully admit that I was wrong. I believe God intervened on my behalf.
That said, don’t allow yourself to be forced into anything. That will not work.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been a journalist for a few years now. As you know, this line of work can be really unpredictable.
About two years ago, I was laid off from my last full-time gig. Since then, I’ve been working freelance doing script writing and copywriting for three to four months at a time. I’ve also been taking brand partnerships as a social media influencer. The money is there, but it is a constant chase and hustle, and to be honest, I think I’m ready to throw in the towel.
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Journalism is my true love, but I’m considering going to law school and pursuing entertainment law.
I’m in need of some stability, but I am 36, so I’d be a 40-year-old first-year lawyer. Should I wait out the storm or move on?
— Sad Journalist
DEAR SAD JOURNALIST: I like the idea of law school. That preparation is good for any career, including journalism, as it will make you an expert in a particular area. You don’t have to give up one to do the other.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
