DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do people say “How do you do?” anymore when being introduced to someone? The phrase seems to have faded away.
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If it is no longer used, what should I say when being introduced to someone new?
GENTLE READER: You are right about this convention’s having fallen into disuse.
It tended to confuse people because it seemed to be a question, was nevertheless pronounced as if it were a statement, and the correct response was not to say how one was, but to repeat the remark.
So probably not worth saving.
That makes your question a crucial one: What should one say?
A common answer is “Pleased to meet you.” Very few seem to remember, or care, how declasse that phrase was once considered. (It still is in England, where there was national sneering when Carole Middleton, mother of the current Princess of Wales, said it upon first meeting Queen Elizabeth.)
The rationale for objecting to this phrase is that one cannot know, when meeting a stranger, whether or not it will be pleasant. This is similar to the objection that “How do you do?” does not really ask how anyone does.
Perhaps we should not be subjecting mere conventions to such analysis.
Meanwhile, for lack of a better solution, Miss Manners continues to puzzle people by saying “How do you do?” when meeting someone.
In letter salutations, the “Hi” that has been replacing the conventional “Dear” (“Dear” being yet another victim of such analysis) is too cheeky for her.
Just “Hello”? Maybe. But she is hoping a Gentle Reader will come up with a better solution.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My Daddy passed during COVID. I have two great-uncles, and my Daddy has three brothers who are still with us. The oldest brother has done a lot for me, both now and before I lost both of my parents.
I’ve been seeing a man for a few years now, and he has asked me to marry him. I told him yes, but that he has to meet my Daddy’s family and spend time with them and see if he feels the same after that. He said OK.
Which of my uncles or great-uncles should he talk to, and who walks me down the aisle?
GENTLE READER: Whomever you want, and as many of them as you like.
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As so many brides fail to understand, the idea is not to cast a role, but to reflect a relationship. The oldest uncle seems a good choice, as he has done a lot for you, and also because he might now be considered the head of the family.
But as you are obviously so close to your father’s family, Miss Manners would find it charming if you included all of them. A suitor who is willing to face such a group (although they are likely to be well-disposed) should be a valuable addition to the family.
And while your wedding guests would be amused to see multiple devoted escorts on the aisle, they should also find it very touching.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
