DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a cruise to Alaska, my husband, my 24-year-old daughter and I decided to splurge for a helicopter ride to see a glacier.
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We rode to the glacier with a couple in their 70s and their young grandchild.
We were given very strict safety instructions on how to walk out to the helicopter, how to enter, and who sits where to balance the load.
The grandma decided to stop and pull out her phone to take a photo just before entering the chopper. The instructor tried to get her to board, but it was very loud, so my daughter, who was next in line to enter, tapped her shoulder to alert her.
She got very upset and said that my daughter hit her on purpose. We all apologized profusely, but she would not let it go, and in fact proceeded to tell all the other people that my daughter shoved her.
In fact, my daughter did no such thing.
How does one deal with this situation? We now had to spend time on a glacier with a group of chilly people who heard that my daughter was a snow monster.
GENTLE READER: It was simple politeness on your part to assume that this was an honest misunderstanding, and to act on that assumption by apologizing.
But if you are thinking there were only two possible responses to the grandmother’s subsequent rudeness — a rude counter-retort or meek impotence — you would be mistaken.
The grandmother’s behavior was outrageous: She publicly — and untruthfully — accused your daughter of accosting her.
The polite response to such behavior is the cold shoulder — precisely what the grandmother did to you, minus the pointing finger.
The more rational and polite you are (though clearly offended at the suggestion of wrongdoing), and the more your nemesis resorts to whipping herself into a frenzy of finger-pointing and accusations, the more everyone else on the tour will conclude that yours is the more credible story — and also that your company is more pleasant.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ran into an unexpected soup situation.
My sister flew cross-country to visit my mom and me, and my mom spent hours making a delicious soup so my sister would have a hot meal ready when she arrived. My mom is a great cook.
Unfortunately, as we all sat down to eat, we noticed that a small brush, used for cleaning bottle parts, had fallen into the soup and had possibly cooked with it for a while.
My sister and I were pretty put off, but we could tell my mom would be heartbroken if we refused to eat it.
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What should we have done?
GENTLE READER: Immediate family rules about sanitary conditions around food may be marginally less strict by mutual consent, but consent is still key.
As there were two of you, you and your sister could have resorted to any distraction and deception techniques you may have worked out when you were young. Such as one of you declaring how great the soup was while the other whisks it to the kitchen before your mother could check the bowls.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
