DEAR HARRIETTE: I love beaches and sandy vacations, but somehow I also have a wild fear of deep waters.
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I don’t think I had ever come to that realization before — probably because I’m never too far from shore and I’m tall — which also makes me feel embarrassed about the whole thing.
Recently, I went to Mexico on vacation with a girl I’m dating. We each had a day to pick an excursion of choice. I chose riding dirt bikes, and she chose a boat ride and snorkeling.
We were both excited when we saw the boat, but as we set sail, I was uncomfortable. I am 6 feet, 6 inches tall, and the feeling of standing up on a small yacht was unsettling against the waves.
When we finally got to a calm area where the water was clear and we could do some snorkeling, we geared up to jump in, and as soon as we did, I freaked. My girlfriend is pretty tiny, and she jumped in without even a life jacket. She was like a mermaid while I was kicking and screaming because I couldn’t touch the ocean floor.
I’m not used to that. Moving forward, I don’t want to feel that panic again. I’m thinking it might be time for swimming lessons, but what if I freak out in the deep end of the pool, too?
How do people get over these types of extreme fears?
— Ocean Floor
DEAR OCEAN FLOOR: Swimming lessons are a must. You should not be getting into the ocean unless you can swim. For basic safety, you should take lessons now.
Once you can swim, your fear will likely dissipate because you will have more control over yourself in the water. It takes time to learn how to swim, but there’s no need to be embarrassed. People learn at all ages. Enroll in a class now.
DEAR HARRIETTE: In response to your advice to “Crossing the Line,” the person whose roommate was using their stuff and generally being too involved in the roommate’s personal business, yes, she should lock up her stuff.
But people all around us ask impertinent questions all the time.
In the United States, we’ve been taught that we should always answer, but my British friends just … don’t. When confronted by a personal question, the answer, with a smile or a look of shock, should be along the lines of:
“Wow, that’s really personal!”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask that.”
“I’ll never tell!”
“That’s between me and my doctor.”
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Just keep repeating if they press, but they seldom do when they are met with these polite, pointed responses. This is a great skill to have and will serve her in the workplace, in public and in her home.
— Still Learning
DEAR STILL LEARNING: This is great wisdom. Thanks for sharing.
Being able to stand up for yourself and set boundaries is important and can be hard to do. Throwing the person’s comment back at them in the ways you have suggested can be just jarring enough to get the invader to think twice the next time.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
