DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 24 years old, and I recently got adult braces because orthodontia was too expensive for my family when I was younger.
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My boyfriend of two years subtly hinted not to get them; he said my teeth were fine, and I didn’t need braces. While I agree that the alignment of my teeth was OK, I had a deep bite and fragile teeth, which were insecurities of mine. Now that I have a decent job and can afford it, I decided to work on myself.
However, my boyfriend started making mean comments about my braces, saying I look weird and my mouth is awkward to look at. He does this in public while making irritated faces. When I told him it was insensitive, he brushed it off, saying it’s not a big deal.
He’s usually very charming and responsible.
I like my boyfriend a lot, but I’m not sure if I can stay with someone who makes fun of my physical appearance. Additionally, he is very vocal about not being attracted to “fat girls,” and my recent weight gain is concerning me.
— Adult Braces
DEAR ADULT BRACES: You are sensitive, and your boyfriend is judgmental. That’s a recipe for hurt feelings.
Continue to take care of yourself. Getting your teeth aligned is smart for the future. Take care of your overall health, too — for you, not for him. And if he doesn’t stop taunting you, consider that a sign to move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has recently expressed a strong desire to have another child, but I do not want to at all.
We already have two wonderful children, a 5-year-old and a 6-year-old, and I feel that they are more than enough for me to handle right now.
One of the major issues contributing to my reluctance to have another kid is that my husband is not a very involved dad. While he loves our children, he doesn’t do much to help with their daily care.
I am the one who manages their schedules, handles school and extracurricular activities, takes care of them when they’re sick and ensures that all their needs are met. It often feels like I’m parenting on my own, and it’s exhausting.
I have tried to talk to my husband about how I feel, explaining that adding another child to our family would only increase my workload and stress levels. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to fully understand or appreciate the weight of my concerns.
He believes that having another child would bring more joy and completeness to our family, but I fear it would just push me further into a state of constant fatigue and overwhelm.
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Is there a way to reach a compromise, or am I being unreasonable in my refusal to have another child?
— Another Child
DEAR ANOTHER CHILD: Create some expectations of your husband for helping with the children you have.
Come up with a reasonable list of duties for him that will help ease the burden on you. Tell him that if he can commit to actively and consistently helping with childcare, you can consider having another child. See what happens.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
