DEAR MISS MANNERS: Hey there! As a mother of two children who have married in the last year, I am advising people who complain about registries and decide to send their own idea of a “thoughtful” gift to not do that.
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This generation is different, and they do not appreciate people giving them gifts they “think they should have.” It offends them when people do not respect their wishes. Stick to the registry, please!
I can attest to a carload of “gifts” that were taken to charity.
Both my children sent handwritten thank-you notes, but in their small apartments or tiny starter homes, they had no need or place for things people thought they should have. Off to charity those gifts went.
Just my perspective after two weddings.
GENTLE READER: What about the perspective of those whose attempts at thoughtfulness you deride and reject? “Just shut up and do my shopping” is a sentiment unlikely to inspire further generosity.
But, hey — thank you for the charity donations and for teaching your children to write letters of thanks.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately at social events, I often find myself trapped by people who want to share, in excruciating detail, their genetic test results.
Each person finds their own results deeply compelling, marveling at length over being 3% this and 15% that, with stunning reveals like, “I thought we were Welsh, but it turns out we’re Scottish!” Meanwhile, the next person is on deck, barely half-listening, eagerly getting ready to launch into their own genetic saga.
Monologuing about the minutiae of one’s DNA is self-absorption at, quite literally, the cellular level. Is there a polite way to shut this down?
GENTLE READER: Oh, dear. Miss Manners would have thought that we had established the idea that bragging about one’s lineage is rude, and now it has started up again.
Well, you could try expanding the scope of the conversation. Try, “What would your ancestors have thought of the state of America today?” Or, “I suppose you must want to travel there now. What are your vacation plans this year?”
Or, “Excuse me, I need to freshen my drink.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When in a restaurant, my wife always says, “May I have …” before requesting what she wants to eat.
I think that since we are ordering food from a server, not requesting a favor, we should just say, “I would like …” before placing our order.
She says she is just being polite. I think that is excessive. What is correct?
GENTLE READER: Not chastising your wife for seeming too polite.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aunt, with whom I’m very close, frequently tells me in casual conversation how wealthy her daughter (my cousin) and her husband are.
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How do I respond/react to that, if at all? I don’t want to cause a rift in our relationship.
GENTLE READER: “How nice for them.”
If you want to be slightly wicked, you could add, “I suppose, then, that they do a lot of philanthropy. What are their favorite charities?”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
