DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved to New York City this summer, and a friend of mine wanted to stay with me for a weekend. However, the weekend didn’t go as well as I had hoped.
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My friend seemed to expect me to know everything about the city, even though I’ve only lived here for three weeks. She relied entirely on me for directions, and when we inevitably got lost or confused, she had a miserable attitude and complained instead of helping me figure out where we needed to go.
She also made several impractical choices that complicated our plans. For instance, she wore heels on the day we walked all over the city — all because she wanted to take pictures in them. I had advised her against it, knowing it would make her uncomfortable, but she insisted. As predicted, she ended up in pain.
Financially, the weekend was also a strain. I’m quite frugal and prefer to stick to a budget, but she likes to spend lavishly. I ended up spending more money on food and Uber than I was comfortable with because she wasn’t willing to walk or take public transportation.
After all this, she still thinks she is welcome to visit again, and I’m dreading the possibility of a repeat experience. How can I set boundaries without coming across as rude or ungrateful?
— Bad Guest
DEAR BAD GUEST: Be direct when you talk to your friend. Let her know that her visit did not go as planned, and while you were happy that she came, you did not appreciate how she behaved.
Be honest. Remind her that you are new to New York City; you are learning the layout of the city, just like she is. The things that you do know, she ignored, which led to frustration and unneeded expense.
Tell her if she visits again, you have to agree on what and how you will manage the trip. Otherwise, it’s best for her to stay home.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 35-year-old marketing manager juggling family responsibilities and a demanding job that requires constant focus.
Over the years, my weight has crept up, and I find myself struggling with unhealthy eating habits. After a hectic day at the office, I often resort to fast food or snacks, which has contributed to unwanted weight gain and a constant feeling of fatigue.
How can I realistically incorporate nutritious eating habits into my daily routine? Given my schedule, I need practical advice: quick meal ideas or easy recipes tailored to a busy lifestyle.
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I’m eager to make sustainable changes to improve my health and energy levels.
— Seeking Balance in Seattle
DEAR SEEKING BALANCE IN SEATTLE: Make an appointment with a nutritionist. This may be covered by your insurance. Not only will you get a full assessment of your health — with recommendations for easy meals — you will also get monitoring of your progress.
A nutritionist will give you a list of healthy foods, including snacks to keep on hand. Stop buying junk food. If it’s not in your home or office, you can’t eat it. Look online for quick and healthy recipes to support your weight-loss plan.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
