DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m facing an absolutely disheartening situation involving my fiance and my grandmother, who raised me single-handedly due to my parents’ struggles with addiction.
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My grandmother has always been my rock, and now, with her health declining, there’s pressure from my fiance to move her into a nursing home. He’s adamant about not having her live with us, which conflicts with my desire to care for her at home as she did for me.
I love my fiance dearly and I understand his reasoning of wanting to start a new chapter with me focusing only on ourselves, but at the same time, I am disappointed because he knows exactly how much Gran means to me.
Additionally, my fiance is pushing for us to get married soon, but I’m torn. I want to honor Gran by providing her with the best care possible.
— Granddaughter
DEAR GRANDDAUGHTER: Pump the brakes. Your fiance is making a bad move by pressuring you in this way. At least for now, you need him to be patient and understanding.
Explain to him that as much as you want to marry him and build a life with him, it cannot be at the expense of your grandmother.
Remind him of the sacrifices your grandmother made for you. Point out that you might not be the person he loves today without the loving care and attention that she gave to you from your earliest days. Make it clear that you are unwilling to compromise on her care, which for now means having her stay with you.
Family clearly means a lot to you. Take a step back and assess what family means to your fiance. Given that family is the cornerstone of marriage, you need to figure out if you and your fiance actually are suited for each other.
Get him to talk about his feelings, and find out how adamant he is to follow his plan, regardless of your interests.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m about to start college this fall, and I’m stuck on a big decision.
Should I go for a safe job in engineering like my parents, which pays well but might not excite me? Or should I follow my passion for environmental science, even though it’s a riskier career path?
How do I find the right balance between what I love and what’s practical for my future?
I really need some advice on making this choice as I get ready for college. For context, my folks do not pressure me into anything and are just supportive.
— Confused Incoming Freshman
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DEAR CONFUSED INCOMING FRESHMAN: You cannot live your parents’ lives. You can only live your own life. And work focused on the environment is a growing field as more and more governments and industries are trying to figure out how to save the planet.
Do your research in your field to discover what the viable job options are so that you go into the field with your eyes wide open.
Be grateful that your parents are not pressuring you. Now stop pressuring yourself. You don’t have to know everything as a freshman.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
