DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 32 and faced a profound dilemma after cheating on my husband, who is often away due to his successful business.
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I am an attractive woman, but I have personal issues to deal with. Loneliness led me to commit adultery, and after months of misery because of guilt, I confessed.
Though he forgave me, I feel his lingering bitterness in his remarks, and his taking pleasure in my misfortunes at work or with family. It’s been a year, and this continues to strain us.
Out of frustration, I suggested giving him a “free pass” to even the score, but now I fear he might take me up on it.
What should I do?
— Troubled Wife
DEAR TROUBLED WIFE: Go back to your husband and tell him what you really want. If that is to repair your marriage, ask him if he wants that as well.
Apologize again for straying. Tell him how much you love and miss true intimacy with him. Ask him if he will consider going to therapy with you to work through your issues.
Beyond that, work together to find times when you can connect, even though he’s often on the road. Engage in video calls when he’s away, as well as planned and impromptu dates when he is at home.
Give him space when he is tired, but also provide clarity on what you need in order to be fulfilled.
Tell him you want to establish your connection and that you don’t want him to get a lover. Otherwise, he won’t know.
DEAR HARRIETTE: At 36, after I’ve spent 10 years as a devoted housewife and raising our three boys, my husband’s recent job loss due to health-related issues has brought us to a crossroads: How can I return to work?
I had a thriving career before deciding to focus on our family, but the thought of reentering the workforce after such a long break is daunting. I find myself questioning my skills and wondering how I’ll fit into a rapidly changing job market.
Despite my uncertainty, my husband believes in my abilities and encourages me to consider working again.
As I contemplate this decision, I wonder: How can I rebuild my confidence and transition back into a career? What steps can I take to update my skills and work on potential questions like explaining my career gap? I worked in marketing.
— Housewife With Career
DEAR HOUSEWIFE WITH CAREER: Put on your marketing hat and review your skills, especially those you have engaged during this 10-year period.
Look to identify transferable skills, such as creative problem solving. Find examples of how you have navigated challenges with your children, their school or extracurriculars.
Think of projects you may have taken on with the PTA or other organizations. Even if it was to help your school, what did you do? For example, at my daughter’s elementary school, I served as auctioneer at their fundraiser and raised a significant amount of money. I also created pop-up shops to raise money.
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Think of outside-the-box activities you spearheaded or participated in that point to your skills.
Look at jobs that celebrate young people. If you can find something that directly focuses on a target market you are deeply familiar with — your children — it can be easy to sell yourself.
Keep trying. You have a unique experience. Present it so that others can see your value.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
