DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently moved out of my parents’ house to rent my own place. My decision was partly influenced by my father’s obsessive-compulsive disorder, which has become increasingly difficult for me to handle.
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My mother has lived in a different state for her work for a year now, and I am an only child.
While I know my father can manage on his own, I feel guilty and conflicted about leaving him alone. His behavior — such as constantly checking things and insisting on specific routines — has worn me down over the years, not to mention his extreme anger when things do not go his way.
How can I cope with the guilt of leaving my father alone while prioritizing my own well-being and mental health?
— Growing Up With OCD
DEAR GROWING UP WITH OCD: At this stage in your life, you are not responsible for your father, even though you love him.
You should talk to your mother and explain the situation. I’m sure she will understand, considering that she left to work elsewhere. While she probably did need to take a job, leaving you to fend for yourself with your father was not the most compassionate action on her part.
You deserve to build your own life. Continue to communicate with your father, but find relief in having your own place. As long as your father is not in physical danger, you should allow yourself to live your life.
If he ever gets to a dangerous point, that’s when you call your mother and get medical intervention.
Studies suggest that children of parents with OCD can suffer from mental health challenges including anxiety and depression. See a mental health professional for yourself to help you work through this challenging time.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m writing as a younger sister who’s feeling a bit stuck in my relationship with my older sister.
Growing up, I’ve always been envious of my friends’ older sisters who seemed to effortlessly provide support and guidance. They gave their sisters things for free, taught them skills like shaping their brows and even let them borrow clothes.
In contrast, my sister never did any of that. Instead, she often made me feel like I didn’t belong in her space, subtly excluding me.
We’re only two years apart, and now that we’re both in college and still living under the same roof, I want to try to develop a mature relationship with her. How can I approach her and build a better connection without feeling resentful or ignored?
— Wanting a Sibling Bond
DEAR WANTING A SIBLINGS BOND: I have two sisters, including one who is two years older than I am. For years, I wanted the relationship that you are seeking, but ours was more competitive, and sometimes hostile, until recent years.
The good news is that we now are close and growing closer.
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I want to recommend patience and acceptance. Do your best to meet your sister where she is. She is not one of your friends’ sisters. She is herself.
Pay attention to her and what makes her tick. What makes her happy? What makes you happy? Ask for what you want in your relationship with her, but don’t ask in anger or frustration. See what happens.
Over time, your relationship may change, but this won’t work if you give in to emotion. Build your life with other friends who support you, and trust that your bond with your sister will evolve.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
