DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently bought a lovely home in a nice neighborhood.
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The previous owners are an older couple who themselves moved into the house when they were our age and starting their family. But they don’t seem to be able to let the house go.
A neighbor dropped by several times with a camera, to take pictures of our home. She explained that the previous owners, who had moved to a different state, had requested pictures so they could see what we had done with the house.
We explained we were not comfortable with this, and she stopped.
Now we have received a letter from this couple. They would like us to continue to send pictures, and they are also planning to “stop by” when they come back to town this summer. They promise they will come by only for an hour or so, but they would like to make it an annual event.
Am I obligated to grant visitation rights to this couple? And if I am not (as I am hoping), what is the polite way to explain to this couple that the home is no longer theirs, and we cannot continue to provide them updates?
GENTLE READER: If it were ever true that there is no harm in asking, it still depends how one asks.
No matter how sweet this elderly couple may turn out to be — and no matter how nostalgic they feel — they sold you the house. Simple politeness demands they respect your privacy, and requesting photographs and visits does not qualify.
You are under no obligation to provide access, much less an annual hourlong visit.
Miss Manners is not attempting to dictate your answer, merely making the point that neither do they have any right to dictate yours. There is no rudeness in merely saying, without excuses, that you are, unfortunately, unwilling to accommodate their requests.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When hosting a cocktail hour, how does the hostess gracefully navigate the quantity of food served?
For example, if the cheese platter is reduced to a few bits, should the hostess be constantly monitoring and replenishing as necessary (even if the “hour” is approaching or has passed)?
I certainly don’t want to appear stingy with guests. But the idea of bringing out more food seems to encourage lingering and drifting into the dinner hour and beyond.
Also, what is an appropriate answer to a guest who inquires, “Is there more cheese/crackers/dip …?” I was taught that, as a guest, I should not take the last piece of anything — cracker, nut, candy or cheese. Is that out of sync with the times?
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Miss Manners: Can I tell my sister her son smells like mildew?
It seems to me that empty platters should signal it’s time to say thanks and goodbye. But does it appear churlish to leave the bowls and platters empty?
GENTLE READER: Fill or clear any empty receptacle, in which category Miss Manners includes the guests.
So if Uncle Larry is lingering by the dessert table hoping for something more, swoop him up and introduce him to any available guest in the next room before passing on. Eventually the table will be empty, and the guests will get the idea and go home.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
