DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I just learned that we are pregnant with our first child. We’re very excited!
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As it happens, a close friend’s wedding is in a few weeks and (if all goes well) that will be right around the time we will be ready to share the news. Many of our friends who will be at the wedding, including the bride and groom, live in other states, and this will be a rare opportunity to tell them about the baby in person.
Of course, we would just let people know as we see them over the weekend — not with a big announcement and not at the actual wedding.
Is that appropriate? Or should we just let the weekend be all about the happy couple and tell our friends over the phone later on?
GENTLE READER: It is very delicate of you to worry about this. But is it really that easy to upstage a couple at their own wedding?
Miss Manners knows that people, mostly bridal couples, worry about that. There they will be, in their wedding finery, reciting lifetime vows, and their relatives and closest friends will be easily distracted by signs of anyone else having a life. Or even of wearing something that doesn’t fit with the color scheme.
Yes, you should not grab a microphone and demand to be applauded. But surely the gathering of a family is a fine opportunity to spread good news.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have vegan relatives, and when we go to their home, they prepare only vegan foods.
If it is a three-day visit, we eat the same boring foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
When they come to my home, I always provide vegan dishes. Shouldn’t they provide non-vegan dishes for me, too? Or do I have to bring my own?
GENTLE READER: Sorry, but your turnaround does not work here.
That is because a moral issue is involved: If your relatives believe it is wrong to kill living things for food, you would be asking them to violate this by providing such food for you. You do not violate any such principles when you provide vegan food for them.
And bringing food they consider morally objectionable into their house is not the solution.
What about hosts’ obligation to please their guests? Nope — again, not at the sacrifice of their morals.
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Still, Miss Manners would like to be helpful. You can get temporary relief by being a good guest, and one way to do that is to relieve your hosts of the work of at least one meal. Locate a restaurant nearby that serves both vegan and non-vegan food, and take them out.
Another way is to relieve them, temporarily, of your company. No matter how much hosts like their guests, they also like to have a few minutes to themselves. So identify a time when they have not made plans, say, “We thought we’d take a little drive around,” and head for the nearest hamburger joint.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
