DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I will be hosting a family gathering for our kids and grandkids.
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On top of having many people to feed, there are my (medically dictated) dietary restrictions to consider.
We have a family member who is curious about my special food and wants to sample it, even though I’ve explained there’s a purposeful reason for the difference in what I’m eating and the food I’ve prepared for guests.
What should I do when the whole family of 11 gathers in our home? Am I coming across as selfish or snooty when I try to mark a distinction between the foods provided? Should I prepare my food in the utility room instead of the kitchen?
GENTLE READER: Is your special food so flavorless that you cannot make it for the whole family?
For your sake, Miss Manners hopes not. She suggests that you create a menu, at least 75% of which is OK for you to eat. Then, just for fun, do not tell your curious family member which 75% it is.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am disabled, and I use a walker to get around.
While I am somewhat used to small children asking questions about my walker, I am surprised, and even shocked, when adults do.
I was at an event recently when a woman I did not know asked, “So, you don’t really need that thing, do you? You just like having it, right?”
I responded by telling her that I do need the walker, then moved away from her. Some friends at the event were appalled at her questions.
My son and I were at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago. As we were being escorted to our table, the host asked, “Why do you have that thing? Is it your back? Your hips? Your legs? What’s the problem?”
I replied, “It’s everything.” He laughed and said, “Oh, it’s everything!”
Is there a polite response to these questions? Honestly, I am offended that anyone would ask a disabled person about their issues. And as offended as I was, my son was even more so.
It’s challenging to go anywhere when you feel that people are staring at you, and even worse when you add in the possibility of a rude person asking for an explanation of your physical issues.
GENTLE READER: A look of shock is all that is required.
But if the questioning does not cease, Miss Manners suggests you say, “I gather you are asking because you are in need of one?” Perhaps this will quiet them into wondering, at least, why they are so impertinently interested.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece, in her 30s, has now earned a graduate degree. While I provided her a generous check when she graduated from undergraduate college many years ago, I’m not quite sure what to give her this time around.
She has a well-paying job, so giving her money doesn’t seem appropriate. Any other ideas on a token of my congratulations for her success?
GENTLE READER: A pen — so she can sign her own checks.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
