DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 19, and I was invited to a close friend’s major milestone birthday party.
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Initially, I agreed to go, but I’ve since learned that the theme is “sexy Hollywood.”
The mood board my friend created and feels strongly about features tight, skimpy skirts and bralettes, which I’m not comfortable wearing. I prefer more low-key events and feel overwhelmed by the extravagant nature of this theme.
I don’t want to upset my friend or mess up our friendship, but I also need to stay true to myself. How can I back out of the invite while still showing that I appreciate being asked?
— Party Theme Dilemma
DEAR PARTY THEME DILEMMA: Yes, your friend created a mood board to express her vision for her big birthday party. That does not mean you have to take it literally.
Have you ever been to a Halloween party where some people didn’t actually wear costumes but only added a little touch as a nod to the season? It happens all the time.
Rather than bow out of your friend’s party, select something to wear that reflects your (less-revealing) vision of sexy Hollywood. Put that on and go to the event.
You can make an appearance, show your friend that you support her and duck out if you feel uncomfortable.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently hosted a housewarming party after moving from my small apartment to a new house, a transition I’d anticipated for months.
I put a lot of effort into planning this event, sending out invites to about 30 people a month in advance, including close friends, colleagues and even a few neighbors I’ve started to get to know. I prepared food and drinks and even set up some fun activities to make the evening special.
However, to my surprise and disappointment, only three people showed up. I couldn’t help but feel disheartened.
I am a 27-year-old single woman, and it feels like a huge accomplishment to buy a house by myself, but the turnout at my party has left me questioning a lot of things.
Did I do something wrong? Is there something about me that drives people away? Or was it just bad timing?
How do I move forward from this without feeling like it was a personal failure?
— Party Fail
DEAR PARTY FAIL: I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I can only imagine how bewildering it must feel.
I have a few practical questions. Did you follow up after sending out the invitation a month in advance? I ask that because people have such short attention spans these days, some of your guests may have forgotten about your party.
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Did you schedule it on a day that was particularly busy? Did you talk to your friends about your move, how excited you were and how honored you would be to share it with them? Did you possibly brag too much about your new purchase? Were the people you invited truly close to you, or were they really just acquaintances?
It’s worth contemplating these questions to get a sense of why so few people showed up. Don’t belabor it, though. It is time to turn the page and build your life.
If any of the no-shows chooses to tell you why they didn’t come, listen, but don’t ask them. Live your life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
