DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m facing a situation with my 16-year-old niece, who is in a relationship with a 19-year-old boy from our neighborhood.
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I’m deeply concerned because this boy has a reputation for being a bad influence, and I fear that my niece might be negatively affected by this relationship.
My niece is currently living with me after her grandmother, who was her primary guardian, passed away. Her parents are alcoholics; they’re abusive and neglectful, which has made her upbringing particularly difficult.
Given her troubled past and the lack of stable, supportive figures in her life, I can’t help but wonder if these factors are influencing her attraction to someone who might not be good for her. Despite my attempts to discuss my concerns with her, she seems attached to him and dismisses my worries.
I want to protect her from making potentially harmful choices, but I do not want to drive a wedge between us. How can I approach this situation thoughtfully while considering her difficult background?
— Niece at Hand
DEAR NIECE AT HAND: Tread lightly. Your niece is at the age when whatever you say, she may do the opposite.
You cannot force her to dump this man. Instead, invite her to talk about values. Ask her what she wants for her life. Suggest that she think about the qualities she wants in a partner.
Get her to tell you what she likes about this man. Find out from her if there is anything she doesn’t like.
Finally, because she is in a relationship, offer to take her to the doctor for a full exam and birth control. Protect her in any way you can, which has to include from getting pregnant.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Four friends and I went on vacation to Japan last month. During the trip, I covered several expenses with the verbal confirmation that my friends would reimburse me once we got back.
However, now that we’re home and it’s already been a month, I’m finding it difficult to ask them for the money they owe me, as they claim they thought I was generously covering the bill.
I feel uncomfortable bringing it up again because I don’t want to seem petty or create tension, especially since the amount isn’t that significant. However, I’m starting to question if I’m hanging out with the wrong crowd if small bills are leading to these kinds of misunderstandings.
I’ve tried subtly reminding them about the reimbursement, but it hasn’t led to any action. What would be the wise next step?
— Vacation Bills
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DEAR VACATION BILLS: Stop being shy about this and speak up.
Tell your friends that you recall clearly that you offered to pay for some things on vacation under the assumption that they would reimburse you. Their recollection is off. Be clear that it is time to settle this debt.
Ask them for the amount owed. If they refuse to pay it, you don’t have to end the friendship — but you do need to stop paying for them.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
