DEAR HARRIETTE: Three years ago, I had a falling-out with a woman who, at the time, had been my best friend for eight years.
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Our friendship was one of those rare, deep connections that felt more like family than just friends. We went to the same college, were in each other’s weddings and spent so much time together that we’d see each other at least once a week without fail, even after we both got married and our lives became busier.
Out of nowhere, we had an argument over something so trivial that I can’t even remember what it was about. At the time, it felt significant enough to cause a major rift between us. We both said things in the heat of the moment, and before I knew it, we stopped talking altogether.
What had once been a solid friendship became an empty void, and neither of us made any effort to reach out and fix it.
It’s been three long years since we last spoke, but this week, she sent me a text asking if I wanted to get coffee. Part of me misses her and wants to rekindle our friendship, but another part of me is hesitant.
Should I take her up on her offer and try to repair the friendship, or is it better to leave the past where it is?
— Lost Friend
DEAR LOST FRIEND: You clearly miss your friend. If you can’t even remember what happened to create the chasm, why not reconnect?
Things often seem important in the moment but wane over time. Go to see her. Listen to what she has to say.
Rather than trying to figure out why you stopped being friends, look to see if there is real hope for rekindling your relationship. If so, take it slow, and see how things unfold.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter was recently accepted into both the University of Minnesota and Ohio State University! However, she’s now facing a difficult decision, and I’m feeling conflicted about how best to guide her.
We’re from Minnesota, so if she chooses to attend school here, she will qualify for in-state tuition, which makes it a much more affordable option for us as a family. We’ve saved some money in a college fund, and with the in-state tuition rate, that savings would cover a significant portion of her education, leaving her with little debt upon graduation.
However, my daughter is leaning toward attending Ohio State, which, unfortunately, comes with a much higher price tag. Even though we can apply our college savings toward the cost, she would still need to take out a significant amount in student loans to cover the remaining expenses.
I’m torn between encouraging her to pursue her dream school, even if it means taking on substantial debt, and advising her to choose the more affordable, practical option. What should I say to her?
— Make a Choice
DEAR MAKE A CHOICE: First, don’t forget to apply for every scholarship you can find! Then do the math with your daughter.
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Figure out how much she will have to pay back with loans if she goes to OSU and what she would have to pay locally. Talk about grad school and any other higher education she may need. Let her decide if she is willing to carry debt to go to her dream school.
This may be her first adult decision. Let her make it. She will ultimately have to live with the consequences.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
