DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my friend “Rica” and I both love the same man.
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She has known him since high school, so they have a history together. I can see he has feelings for Rica, and I believe she’s only pretending not to like him because of me.
It’s painful watching the two of them hold back, knowing they might be happier if I stepped aside, yet I can’t deny my own feelings for him — they run deep.
I wonder if holding on to him is selfish, or if my love could mean something to him, too. Should I let them be together, or should I fight for my love for him?
— Bittersweet Dilemma
DEAR BITTERSWEET DILEMMA: Why not talk directly to the man?
Be upfront with him about your feelings and your observations. Tell him that you believe there could be a future for the two of you, but it is obvious that Rica cares deeply for him, too. Ask him what he wants.
Be clear that you are not willing to share, but you are willing to step aside if he chooses her. Make your decision after you check in with him.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I know that gadgets are relevant today, but they can be harmful to our health, especially for our kids. I am trying to figure out how to balance this by giving my 4-year-old daughter just one hour of screen time each day.
However, she sometimes exceeds this limit because I get busy and don’t monitor her usage as closely as I should. Recently, she had a tantrum when I took away her tablet.
To create a healthier balance for her, could I establish a consistent daily routine that includes set times for screen use, alongside engaging nonscreen activities like outdoor play or crafts? What other strategies would you suggest to limit screen time effectively?
— Digital Distractions
DEAR DIGITAL DISTRACTIONS: It takes discipline on your side to enforce healthy screen use for your child. The good news is that you can engage the device to support you.
Many smart devices have built-in controls that can limit the amount of time they are operable, regardless of whether you are watching your daughter.
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You can tell your daughter that she has 30 minutes or an hour to play on the device, after which it will automatically shut off. If she sees that the device stops working without your intervention, it may be harder for her to keep up her tantrum as you do not seem to be directly controlling it.
More important, let her know that there are times to use the devices and times when she has to do something else. Keep games, books and other engaging materials handy so that she always has something to do.
Know that there are quite a few apps that can help you to manage your child’s screen time, including bark.us and quostodio.com. There are also printouts that you can post to help you and your child manage her screen time together.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
