DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister-in-law often makes passive-aggressive comments about my parenting style, which has been frustrating to deal with.
Related Articles
Harriette Cole: How can I tell my friend I dread our conversations?
Harriette Cole: They seem to think my baby is their business
Harriette Cole: We didn’t listen to my boyfriend’s mom, and now we’re in trouble
Harriette Cole: This is what we need from Gen Z, and what they need from us
Harriette Cole: My bridesmaids are trying to shoot down my dream trip
Recently, I decided to address it directly, and I told her she has no right to meddle in how I raise my child. I spoke firmly but calmly, making it clear that I know what I’m doing and that she should respect my boundaries.
However, at a family gathering soon after, she claimed I had angrily shouted at her during our conversation, which is completely untrue.
Her version of events has made things awkward with other family members, and I feel unfairly judged.
I want to set the record straight without escalating the situation further or creating more tension. How can I handle this gracefully while maintaining my boundaries and protecting my reputation?
— Family Friction
DEAR FAMILY FRICTION: It sounds like it is out of the ordinary for people in your family to call each other out on their behavior.
Your sister-in-law experienced your pushback as shouting, even though you did not intend it that way. You can say to her — and your family — that you did not mean to raise your voice at her, nor do you believe you did, but it was and is important to you that she give you space to take care of your child however you choose, free of her judgment.
Tell them all that you would appreciate being supported as you care for your child, not harassed or criticized.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner has become increasingly glued to his phone, even during family time with our child.
It’s frustrating to feel like he’s prioritizing his screen over meaningful moments together, especially since we already have limited time to connect due to our busy schedules.
To address this, I decided to implement a no-phone rule during meals so we can focus on one another, set a good example for our daughter and have meaningful conversations as a family. While he initially agreed, he often struggles to stick to the rule, and I feel like my efforts to strengthen our family connection aren’t being taken seriously.
I miss having real conversations with him and worry about how this is affecting our bond. What should I do to reinforce this boundary and encourage more meaningful interaction?
— Second to the Screen
Related Articles
Miss Manners: I paid for my seat, and I’m not going to ask permission to recline
Dear Abby: I just learned that my surly mother-in-law has a policy on my life
Asking Eric: Our 6-week separation has been so nice. Now she wants to hang out.
Harriette Cole: How can I tell my friend I dread our conversations?
Miss Manners: It’s a party invitation! Why do they act like it’s some big chore?
DEAR SECOND TO THE SCREEN: Breaking habits takes time. Since this is important to you, now is the time for you to exercise patience and vigilance.
Remind him when he goes to pick up his phone that this is family time. Get a basket and put both of your phones out of arm’s reach from the table before you sit down to eat. Silence the phones, and remind each other not to reach for them until mealtime is over.
Thank your partner for following your agreement. Work with him to engage with your child. The more he does that, the more he may realize how nice it is to be fully present.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
